A Match Into Water (Fuenciado)

Chapter Two

The second I smashed my palm onto the snooze button on my alarm, I knew that today would be just like yesterday. And the day before that. And every other hellish day before that one. All I wanted was to go back to sleep, forget everything again. I burrowed myself under the blankets, trying to recover the blissful nothingness of sleep for a few minutes before my alarm went off again. Instead, I spent the entire time trying to knead out the anxiety knotting in my stomach. I curled in closer on myself, feeling scared and alone even in this safe spot. By the time my alarm began to buzz again, I was fully awake and ready to get the day over with. Thoughts of peacefulness were far from my mind.

I stumbled into the bathroom, tiredness weighing me down. I hadn't slept much last night. I hadn't slept much in a long, long time. When I pushed through the door, I saw Mike already by the sink brushing his teeth. He gave me a small smile around a mouthful of toothpaste. I grinned back, picking up my own toothbrush. I pointed a finger at his hair, which stuck up in every direction from sleeping on it. He rolled his eyes at me, because surely my hair looked far worse. Yet I didn't check, keeping my eyes averted from the mirror.

After spitting a mouthful of runny toothpaste into the sink, Mike loudly gargled some mouthwash right in my face. Typical. At least he seemed to have forgiven me for forgetting about him yesterday. I wished I could forgive myself that easily.

Mike spat out his mouthwash, watching it swirl down the drain. He then turned to me and wrinkled his nose dramatically. "Dude, you need a shower."

I tried to punch him in the arm, which was hard since he was half a foot taller than me. "Shut up," I laughed, and he slid past me to go get dressed, middle finger wagging behind him.

My smile stayed for a moment even after he'd left, and I remembered what a great brother I had. My smile disappeared as I slid my sleep-rumpled hoodie over my head and saw how hideous my new cuts were, and I remembered that Mike probably wanted a great brother, too. I wished I could be that for him. Someone to look up to. I hoped he didn't look up to me, because then he'd be fucked as well.

I pulled off the rest of my clothes, quickly stepping into the shower. I tried to go as fast as I could. Tried to ignore the fat rolling off of me. Tried to ignore the initial burn of the water as it ran over my arms. Tried to ignore the salty taste that the water acquired as it passed over my eyes.

Once I was clean and dried off, I put on a pair of jeans that were lying on the floor and a different hoodie, this one gray instead of yesterday's navy. Perfect for hiding myself. Perfect for blending in. Check it over in the mirror. Not perfect.

I spent a while running a brush through my tangled hair. At least, attempting to. I then took my time stuffing my half-finished homework into my backpack. Eating up the clock so that I wouldn't be forced to sit down for breakfast. Mom and Dad would just talk about work and then ask about my grades, which I didn't care to admit. I already knew I was a failure- I didn't need the big red letters to tell me so, too. Besides, it wasn't like I really needed the calories.

It was only when Mike called up from the kitchen, threatening to take my car and leave me to hitch a ride with Tony, that I finally ventured downstairs. Mike crossed his arms, muttering "diva" as I walked by. I just smirked at him, leading the way out the front door and to the car parked in the driveway. Mike followed, then hastily stuck his head back inside the house to shout goodbye to our parents. No wonder he was the favorite son.

After Mike and I got into the car, I put the key into ignition and it rumbled to life. We backed out of the driveway and began the fifteen-minute trip to school. We didn't exactly live very close to it, something I was actually very grateful for. Mike pulled open the glove compartment in front of the passenger seat where he was sitting, digging through his stash of CDs.