A Match Into Water (Fuenciado)

Chapter Four

I was going to fail this test.

I could see the first page of it peeking over the top of the stack that the teacher was slowly distributing, and I didn't even know the names of half of the shapes on it. I chewed on my eraser, twirling my pencil in my fingers. I guess it was stupid to get my hopes up in the first place.

As the teacher approached, a finger tapped my shoulder. I looked over to see Jaime pointing towards the outer pocket of my backpack, where I kept all my supplies. I could read the silent question on his face, asking to borrow a pencil or something. I nodded quickly, then turned back to face the teacher as she slid the packet onto my desk. When I glanced back at Jaime, he was giving me an encouraging smile, as if to wish me luck.

I flipped open the test, writing my name across the top. Though, glancing through the impossible questions, I was ashamed to take credit for it. I was able to answer a few of the easier questions, but the knowledge seemed to be disappearing from my head as I worked.

The formulas that Jaime and I had gone over a thousand times were slipping from my memory, and I could already see his disappointed face. I'd let him down, just like I had everyone else. If he didn't already think that I was a failure, he surely would now.

After an hour of attempting to complete the test and staring at the clock, I placed it into the teacher's outstretched hand as I passed her on my way out the door. I kept my gaze low as I trudged to my locker. I spun the lock, but I kept missing the last number. I kicked my locker, foot connecting with the metal with a thud.

"For fuck's sake," I muttered, trying to again to unlock the metal door.

When it finally swung open, I stuffed my bag inside, slamming it shut without grabbing any food. I wasn't really hungry anymore. As I turned away from my locker, I saw Ben shooting me a death glare, and hurried on to the cafeteria.

When I got to there, Jaime was standing by our table. I couldn't read his expression. "Let's go outside," he said, already walking towards the door.

I followed, remaining silent. He slid onto the brick wall in the same spot as yesterday, though today he had a different demeanor. Instead of bright, his shoulders were hunched, and he was chewing on his lip. He set his tray down on the wall next to him, motioning for me to join him. I jumped up, this time not making a complete idiot of myself.

He looked at my empty hands. "No lunch?"

I shrugged. "I'm not hungry."

Jaime nodded, clearly trying to find a way to say what was hiding on the tip of his tongue. I watched as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a small piece of green plastic. He held it between his thumb and his forefinger, fidgeting with it as he turned to face me.

"What's that?" I asked, leaning in closer.

His lips folded into a thin line. "I dunno, Vic, why don't you tell me?"

He dropped the object into my hand, and when I finally got a good look at it, I gulped. It was a pencil sharpener. Jaime must've taken it from my bag when he'd borrowed a pencil before. Except...except I'd taken the blade out of it. Shit.

I forced myself to look up at Jaime, to keep calm. I felt so self-conscious, so embarrassed. I'm sure my cheeks were flaming. My stomach was sinking, and it was hard to make myself keep breathing. I said nothing, waiting for Jaime to speak. He obviously knew what was going on. Was he going to yell at me? Leave me? I didn't think that I could take that at this point.

"Vic," he repeated my name softly. "Let me see your arms."

I shook my head, folding the arms in question across my chest. I could see the pleading look in his eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to show him what was hidden beneath my sleeves.