{REMAKE} Indifference - Dip (Damien X Pip)

Chapter 9

Pip didn't know when it started.

Maybe when he felt trapped.

Trapped in a lifeboat in a raging storm.

Trapped in a glass box as it filled with water as everyone watched.

Pip didn't know how it happened. He was doing so well.

As of late, Pip was happy. He knew he was. He had a boyfriend, one who cared. Damien was great. He was.

Damien was almost the embodiment of perfection.

Pip could talk for hours about how great Damien was.

Damien didn't mind paying for things, he didnt mind waiting on Pip, and he was there when Pip needed to talk.

Pip couldn't ask for more!

Then... why was he so unhappy?

He knew the answer already.

He couldn't stand himself.

He couldn't stand that he knew it was Damien's fault.

Now, Pip isn't usually so depressed. He's doesn't talk about how he feels and he usually tries to keep those things to himself. He knows that nobody wants to hear about his problems.

Pip knew all those things. Even if it was sad, but it was the truth

So, when he got a boyfriend, one who he felt would listen, he thought he'd be able to express himself.

He felt that way.

Damien didn't quite agree. Which was fine.

Pip was fine with keeping his thoughts in captivity.

You know, it wasn't that bad actually. He had found the stability he had searched for his whole life. He found it in Damien.

Oh, Damien. Pip thought about Damien a lot. Pip thought about Damien like a lovesick fool. He had touched himself to the thought of Damien once.

Okay that was weird to admit, but it was true! Pip loved Damien, even if Damien wasn't the best at showing Pip the same emotion. And when he did, he wasn't thinking about Damien intimately! It just happened.

Pip is a degenerate.

Pip loves that he knows that.

Damien was his world.

Sure, he wasn't as satisfied with how things were now than how they were before. Sure, Damien even threatened him sometimes. When things were good, they were. Despite the arguments that felt one sided for some reason, Pip found happiness in it.

True happiness..

This whole thing, was mostly a lie.

Pip wasn't happy.

Not at all.

He actually wanted to kill himself.

He wanted to put the barrel of a gun to his mouth and blow his brains out right in front of Damien.

He wanted to see Damien's reaction... he wanted to see if he would cry or laugh or get worried. Probably not. He'd just stand and watch with that smile on his face.

Pip wanted to die.

He wanted to slit his wrists open and hopefully hit a vein and die. Just like that.

His sister would find his body, after it rotted for a while.

Pip was glad he was alive, though.

If Pip wasn't alive he'd be proving everybody right. His whole life, everyone thought it would be him who killed themself. One person per every graduating class kills themself, and Pip wasn't keen on being a statistic.

So Pip would just have to deal with it like how everyone else deals with their problems.