Scars

two

Waking up in New York City had always been a dream of mine, luckily it's one of the only things in my life that has gone as planned. As I roll out of Sam's arms, I stand up to feel a discomfort from between my legs. As I turn around to look at the bed, my question of 'have I come on my period?' had been answered...THANK YOU MOTHER NATURE.

"Just great" I mumble to myself as I creep to the en suite leading off of our Master bedroom. As I search through the cupboards for sanitary items, I hear a load groan come from the other room. Immediately my heart starts racing. Why? Why am I scared of my own boyfriend? Is that pathetic? When I finally come across the pads, I remove one from the packaging and put it in my underwear.

Thinking of what I have to do with my life on this miserable day, I realise that I don't have to do anything apart from the grocery shopping. Pacing over to the bathtub honestly seems like so much effort but everything does on a Monday morning. I sit on the toilet seat as I start to run the water, making sure it's the right temperature.

"Move" I hear.
"What?" I reply as I see Sam standing over me.
"I said move, are you fucking dumb?" He replied slightly raising his voice.
As I stand up from sitting on the toilet seat, Sam gives me a light nudge.
"What are you doing today?" He asks with not one ounce of emotion.
"Nothing, I have to do the grocery shopping but that's all. What are you doing today?" I ask him making sure I don't saying anything that could spark his anger, but with Sam, any thing could.
"Work. All day, everyday. All I do is fucking work!" He yells throwing his hands in the air as he walks out of the bathroom.

Through my mind, I'm thinking about what I must do to make him so angry all the time. Racking my brain cells just so I can stop doing that one little thing so I can try and make him happy. But you see, that's all that my life consists of...making Sam happy. Hearing Sam swear at 6:30 in the morning is nothing new. Hearing Sam swear anytime of the day is nothing new either.  Sometimes, well, most of the time there is no need for it but his vocabulary is more or less filled with profanity so hearing a non-swear word is more shocking that hearing profanity itself.

As I reach into the woven basket by the bathtub, I grab a purple Lush bath bomb. Dropping it into the warm water and seeing it start to fizz is more satisfying than it probably should be but the slightest thing can make me happy because I'm so used to being dragged down and made to feel like a piece is shit. Waiting for the bath bomb to fully dissolve seems like forever but it's all worth it.

Walking over to the door and locking it makes me seem even more ridiculous doesn't it? Locking the bathroom door when it's only my boyfriend in the house? Sam has always made me feel more self conscious, whether it's through straight up telling me that I'm fat or complimenting a girl of the complete opposite figure of mine. I thought every girl was meant to feel beautiful? Meant to feel like they are a goddess in their boyfriends eyes? Not with Sam. Oh no, he would make me feel like shit to the point of where I am crying. Taking off my silk shorts and vest top before removing my underwear, makes me physically sick. Seeing all the bruises and cuts on my skin reminds me of how bad this situation has got but it gives me a stronger reminder that I can't do anything about it.

I wince through my teeth as I lower myself into the water. Feeling the multiple cuts sting just brings back memories of how they occurred.

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"I FUCKING HATE YOU!" Sam screamed into my face, spitting along with it.
"I'm sorry!" I apologise with my voice slightly raised, not making eye contact with the beast.
"THAT'S THE THING! YOU AREN'T FUCKING SORRY YOU SLUT!" Sam bellowed down my right ear.

By this point, I have tears brimming my eyes and me not daring to let them out. Not know what the consequence of me crying may be.

"IF YOU WERE SORRY, THEN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN LOOKED AT THAT GUY LET ALONE FUCKING HUG HIM!" Sam howled down my ear.

My anger is on the brim of exploding, but the question of 'what is the consequence?' racks my brain.

"YOU KNOW WHAT?! IM SICK OF YOU! FUCKING SICK OF YOU PUSHING ME DOWN AND TREATING ME LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT!" I yell in his face with more power that a Bugatti Veyron Super Sport...now that's a lot of power.

"OH AND 'THAT GUY' IS MY FUCKING BEST FRIEND!" I scream and turn to walk away. By the time I had taken my third step away from Sam, his large hand had tightly gripped my wrist.

As I turn around to see what in the hell this mother fucker wants, his fist connects with my face. Instantly I bring my other hand up to my face to try to feel that damage. Pulling my hand away, I see a small pool of blood. I start to weep uncontrollably.

"Fuck you." I hear Sam non-chalantly say. Hearing the front door slam and shake the walls of our apartment will be a noise that I will never forget. I slide down the front door, pulling my legs close to my chest trying to control the whimpers that my body is making.

"WHY ME?!" I scream out loud.

Hot tears start to roll down my cheeks at a rapid speed, stinging where Sam had just punched me. I finally pull myself up off of the floor and drag my tired body up the staircase, opening the door to our bedroom. Ew, it gives me the chills to think that I share this with that monster! Crawling over to the Kingsize bed seems like the longest journey I have made in a long time. Sitting down on the bed, I just start to process what has happened. Shit, I just got punched by my boyfriend. Slowly I curl up in a ball on my side of the bed, letting the tears flow as I cry myself to sleep.
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And that's how I got my first ever abuse by Sam.
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A/N - sorry if the flashback was a little too long but I kinda needed it to be that long so that I could be say that last line. As I said in the last chapter, I don't plan anything that I write so I don't know whether I will be updating on Wednesday and Sunday because I write when I think of it😂

Question of the chapter (I'm going to start doing these) - favourite Lush product? Mine is the purple bath bomb with BOMB engraved in it😻

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~Chels✨