Scars

four

After the short drive to the store and finding a parking space, I finally get out of my car and start to head to the entrance of the store, grabbing a cart on the way.

Walking up and down the aisles looking for the multiple things that we need, along with vodka, is such a haul. When you are a child, you just grab what you want and throw them into the trolley but when you are an adult, it's much more complicated. Comparing prices, trying to work out the best way to save them extra few dollars so they can go towards the gas bill. Adulthood is now all about partying, well for some.

After spending at least another hour in the supermarket, mentally ticking things off of the list I have written in my brain, I start scanning the shopping and placing it carefully into bags as I go. Self-service is a godsend I'm telling you!

The sickening total of $173.65 is paid for and then the groceries are loaded into the trunk of my car.

Driving is my escape time. Sound silly doesn't it? But it's my time because Sam isn't with me, screaming multiple swear words down my ear because I haven't taken the shortest route possible back home. I'm grateful now that we made the decision to buy our own cars and not share one because that would only result in more arguments.

I don't know why Sam hits me, and I'd rather not ask. Because, you guessed it, it would only end up with me being more hurt than I already am. Every time he hits me, he leaves the house for up to a day, whether that's to think about what he's done or to plan what he can do next time to make me shed an extra tear, I don't know.

During that time, I try to recuperate myself and control the pain through many, many pain killers or just the simple method of sleeping. Of course, I've never told anyone about this because I'm scared at what they will do. Will they judge me a person? Will they go to the police? Will they give me no sympathy at all? They are just some of the questions that run laps through my brain when I think about telling somebody.

Most of the people that I want to tell, don't live near me at all. My family lives in the UK and when I moved out to the U.S. they were sceptical about what it would bring for me but only hoping the best. Well, they didn't hope hard enough because look where I've ended up.

Yes, getting a law degree and becoming a lawyer has been one of my greatest dreams and fulfilling that has made me so proud of myself but the life that goes on behind closed doors, is not one that I am proud of in the slightest.

After being stuck in New York traffic for just under an hour, I pull into my driveway and start to unload the shopping.

Putting the shopping away only took 20 minutes, maybe longer but I had to make sure I get everything in the correct place. If I don't out the bread or something stupid like that in the correct place then God knows that Sam will say.

The time I have to myself I cherish. Whether it is just chilling and watching Netflix or even doing the house work I enjoy it because Sam is judging me. You may wonder to yourself, if you hate being in this relationship hen why don't you just leave him? Believe, I want to and have tried but I can't. He will hurt me more than my pain receptors will be able to handle.

Watching the final episode of season 3 Orange is The New Black made me upset inside knowing that it's another bloody year until season 4 gets released!

As soon as that episode finishes, I hear the front door slam knowing that my peaceful time is now over.

"Great" I quietly mumble to myself knowing that I've probably done something wrong.

Let's go face the beast.

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A/N - this chapter was just a filler because I have an idea for the next couple chapters but I didn't quite know how to present the idea so this was just a quick update.

I have not been in an abusive relationship so this is just from what I have read in other books, seen on TV etc so if any of it seems a little unrealistic i do apologise in advance but I will try and make is realistic as possible to give the desired effect😊

If you are in one then don't hesitate to go get help and it may seem a challenge at first but it will be the best thing. Whether it's through just talking about it with friends or talking to a helpline, it will help.

Question of the chapter - dream job? Mine is either a vet or a lawyer so I just need to decide!

~Chels✨