SHADOW

The Weight of Expectations

The afternoon seemed impossibly hot, the carriage claustrophobic, and when the Count asked her something, she didn't hear it—her heart was drumming in her ears.

What do I do now? I won't look at him. Just at my hands. I'll look at my hands the entire road and pretend I'm calm, thought Sha.

"Are you ignoring me?" asked the Count.

Sha sighed in resignation. "No, I was just overthinking. I didn't pay attention... I didn't expect us to go anywhere today. I didn't expect..." She sighed, trying to say she hadn't expected to see him at all today.

"Anyway, please turn around. I have to fix this necklace."

Only now did she notice he was holding in his hand a golden necklace with red stones, similar in color to her dress.

"Oh... all right," she replied and turned slightly so he could fasten it around her neck.

He was much too close now. She could smell everything—starting with the scent of his leather boots and ending with the verveine and mint on his breath.

Stay calm, Sha, stay calm, she repeated in her head—or maybe even mumbled under her nose.

Time seemed to drag as he fumbled with the clasp. The carriage rocked unsteadily on the bumpy road. Once or twice, he pressed his cold fingers against her skin, and she shivered. But after a long and painful wait, he finally managed to close it.

"There you go. I'm not very good with small things," he said, relaxing back into his seat. "I'd ask you not to lose or damage it—this item is precious to me."

She gathered her courage and looked up to meet his gaze, but by then he had already turned left to watch the road and the passing landscape through the window.

"Where are we going, if I may ask?"

"We are going to the court. This is a very important meeting, and I hope you will behave as an exemplary lady. I'm counting on the fact that you didn't waste all this time and have learned etiquette, dancing, and everything else that was on the list I left you. I paid a lot of money for the best tutors—I expect you gained much from them. You must outshine every lady around you. I am counting on you."

He didn't look at her; he continued watching the landscape outside.

Sha was literally gaping at his words. How can I outshine every lady at court? This is nonsense. What is he talking about? In such a short time, she had barely learned to dance. As for etiquette—well, she had studied that at the academy, so it wasn't new. But politics, languages, and everything else? Far from perfect.

She had only a vague idea which countries were at war and knew a few polite phrases in the neighboring tongues. She already spoke conversational Soleil—the language of the Soleil Empire—which had been taught at the academy, as it was mandatory for merchants and businesspeople in the region.

The Count looked magnificent as usual with his raven-black hair and noble profile—so serious and almost always frowning, as if the world constantly displeased him. She had nearly forgotten how tall and broad he was. He barely fit in this carriage. Strange that he didn't have a bigger one, considering his stature. But then again, she rarely saw him travel by carriage. Maybe he was doing it now only because of her.

"I feel uncomfortable when you look at me with such interest," said the Count without turning toward her. "There's such a lovely field of poppies outside, and yet you choose to watch me instead."

He turned toward her and smiled.

He actually smiled—and Sha blushed.

"Yes, indeed. I was just... lost for words. I still don't understand what's going on. Why did you adopt me? I didn't expect this turn of events. Also, I wanted to ask if I could attend my friend Floriana's wedding. She's getting married soon—to Squire Alfonso's son."

The Count's brow twitched, and he made a sour grimace, as if she had served him a lemon.

Sha wondered which part displeased him—the question about her adoption or the request to attend the wedding. She hoped it wasn't about the wedding, because she truly wanted to go. It would break her heart if she couldn't.

A few minutes passed. He said nothing.

Is he going to ignore me? thought Sha, and she began to fumble with her purse. Should I give him time to reflect? Maybe this wasn't the right moment to ask... but I don't know how long he'll be home or if I'll get another chance to speak with him soon.

"You will learn the purpose of all of this soon. In a day or two," the Count finally said. "I can't disclose everything to you now. It would only make you nervous and could ruin everything. As for the wedding—we'll talk about that later. It all depends on how you perform at court. Be a good girl and do as I say, and we'll consider that wretched wedding."

"Wretched wedding? Why would you say that?" she asked, her voice rising. "It's not wretched. It's the happiest day of my best friend's life. How can you say such nonsense?"

"I don't have time for debates now. This isn't an important topic at the moment," he replied sternly. "And I'd ask you to keep your tone respectful if you want to gain anything from me in the future."

He leaned in too close again.

"You're trying to intimidate me," Sha said, steadying her voice. "And I am not your maid to be so easily intimidated. I understand that much of my life depends on your disposition—but I would ask you not to make it miserable without reason. I will do everything you say at court. I'll try to support you in your political games. But please allow me to attend the wedding. It means a lot to me. I'm very grateful for all you've done. I don't want to be disrespectful. I'm quite fond of my life at the mansion, and I wouldn't want to change it."

"Did you learn everything about poisons and how to protect yourself from your tutor and my assistant?" asked the Count abruptly, and Sha froze at the sudden shift.

"Poisons? Well... I read about them as instructed, smelled all the test food and drinks, but... I'm not sure I'd remember them all. I need more practice," she admitted, a knot forming in her stomach.

Why was he suddenly bringing up poisons? Was someone planning to poison her?

He sighed and looked at her with annoyance.

"Then you must not eat anything randomly at the court ball or when the maids deliver food to your room. At the ball or at the dining table, eat only what the Queen Mother eats—but only after her tasters try it. Or eat only what I eat, from the exact same platter. Watch me closely. Do not drink anything. Try to eat as little as possible while at court. It will be bothersome—but better to be hungry and alive than the other way around."

She didn't know what to say. She sat frozen in her seat, staring at nothing, until they passed through the castle gates.

The royal castle was a sight to behold—with multicolored gardens, white stone walls, and grand statues—but after the talk about poisons, she was far less excited than she thought she'd be. A tremor ran through her fingers, and she clenched her fist.