Philophobia - Narry

Chapter Four

The next morning Niall wakes up next to Harry and he feels a huge rush in his chest bit it suddenly disappears when Harry's eyes shut open and look into his. 

"Morning" Harry says smiling and looks down to his intertwined hands causing Niall to look at them too and he feels like he can't breathe, but then he looks up again and he meets Harry's eyes and everything is fine again.

"Morning" Niall finally answers a bit insecure.

"Do you feel okay?" Harry asks "With this, I mean" He explains moving his and Niall's hand.

"I don't know… It's weird"

"What is weird?" Harry asks.

"Your eyes, the give me peace, I stop thinking when I look at them" Niall admits and Harry smiles.

"Let me try something" Harry says and he starts leaning in, and Niall hopes he is not going to do what he thinks he is going to do, Niall tenses up and Harry feels it. "Just look me in the eyes" he whispers and continues leaning in, but instead of kissing Niall on the lips he does in his cheek, a sweet and long kiss on Niall's cheek, and he feels relieved. Then Harry goes back to his initial position and stares at Niall. "So what?" he asks and Niall smiles and without thinking about it Niall leans in a kisses Harry's nose. And then they both stay like that looking at each other, smiling like idiots.

***

"I met this boy" Niall says to his therapist "He kissed me" he admits smiling.

"Oh, really?" she asks surprised.

"Yeah, well, it was on the cheek, but it was a kiss"

"Yes Niall, that's a great progress"

"And I kissed him too, but he didn't asked me too, I did it because I wanted to"

"That's great Niall!" she sounds happy, the therapy is finally working. 

"But what if he leaves me?" he asks concern "What if I start to trust him and then he lefts me, huh?" 

"Well, Niall, that's the thing. You need to trust him, trust that he won't leave you, that's what relationships are based, trust. You need to trust and to be trusted"

That day Niall and Harry met on the roof.

"I want to trust you" Niall suddenly says appearing at the door, Harry looks at him and smiles "but I don't know if I can" and Harry's smile fades away.

"I know it's hard for you Niall, but eventually everything will work out, I know it, because I think I might be fall-"

"No!" Niall interrupts him "don't say that" and Niall hugs Harry, very tight, like he doesn't want him to go away, and Harry hugs him back "don't love me please" Niall whispers in Harry's ear "don't love me because if you do I'll leave you, and I don't want to" Niall finally admits.

"I won't love you, but you can't leave me, okay?" Harry whispers and Niall simply nods.

***

Days pass and the boys hang out more and more together. Niall feels more comfortable every time, but this heavy weight in his chest never leaves.

This time they are at Niall's house, he never lets nobody in unless it's one of his friends, but Harry is now one of his friends, or even more than that, but he doesn't really want to think about it. They're on the kitchen, cooking some cake as they both are bored and hungry and Harry has this cheeky smile on his face like a eight-year-old-child while he stares at Niall.

"Why are you staring?" Niall asks smiling.

"You look cute with flour on your face" Harry says and Niall looks at him confused.

"I don't have flour on my-" Harry interrupts him by throwing at him a handful of flour "face" Niall finishes. He has now flour all over his face, he clean his eyes and looks at Harry who is chuckling and staring at the blond boy "how you dare?" Harry simply shrugs.

"I told you you were cute with it" 

Niall takes an egg and Harry starts running all over the kitchen and Niall behind him, trying to catch him.

"No! Don't do that" Harry says between laughs and he keeps running, but eventually Niall catches him, wrapping one of his arms around the boy, face to face, and he stabs the egg on Harry's face then he let Harry go.

"Niall! That's-that's disgusting" Harry says trying to clean his face with his hand.

"You have started this Harry, not me" Niall says smiling.

"I want revenge!" Harry says and Niall laughs at how childish the boy can act.

"And what are you gonna do, huh?" Niall asks playfully. Harry looks at him with a smirk on his face and steps closer and closer to him until he is in front of Niall. The brunette lad wraps an arm around Niall's waist and pulls him closer.

"What about this?" Harry says and then he starts leaning in, resting his hand on the back of Niall's neck. And, oh god, is he going to kiss him? Then Harry looks at Niall's lips and licks his own lips before looking again at Niall's eyes, like waiting for a sign that tells him to keep going. Niall doesn't move and Harry take it as if he wants him to continue, so he does, he continues leaning in and now their lips are brushing and Niall is going to have a panic attack and runaway at any moment, but Harry seems to notice that. "Look into my eyes" Harry whispers "now close your eyes and think about them" he orders still whispering against Niall's lips, and Niall does what he says. He is starting to relax and then he feels a pair of lips pressed against his, moving, almost begging him to kiss back, but Niall doesn't know what to do, he is scared, his hands are sweaty and his heart rhythm isn't normal. And just when he is about to pull Harry away a thought comes to his mind: Harry's eyes, Harry's big green eyes, and then his perfect smile, his perfect dimple, and his perfect lips. And everything seems better now because those perfect lips are against his, and those perfects lips belong to Harry, and Niall wants to kiss Harry, so he does. He finally kisses Harry back and he can feel Harry smiling into the kiss, and then Harry licks Niall's bottom lip, asking for entrance but Niall pulls himself back from the kiss, he's not ready for that, not yet. Harry looks at him, regretting what he has done "I'm sorry, too fast?" he says and Niall nods slightly, and then Niall leans in and kiss Harry again, and Harry is surprised for that but he kisses him back immediately, they eventually pull away from the kiss, resting their foreheads on each other's "Niall, I-" Niall looks at him scared he is going to say the words he doesn't want him to say.

"I don't want you to love me, Harry" Niall interrupts him afraid Harry will say something he doesn't want to hear. And Harry smiles softly.

"But I don't love you Niall, I need you" the boy states. And suddenly Niall's weight on his chest disappears, all his fears kind of go away, because for some reason he knows Harry won't hurt him, at least not for now. And that heavy weight is replace for another feeling he can't describe, is a warm feeling on his chest that goes down his stomach where there are thousands of butterflies that after nineteen years have been released.