the void - stydia

chapter one

stiles had just assumed the nightmares would stop once the nogitsune was gone.
boy, was he wrong.
at 3am he woke up, sweating and afraid, his mind replaying everything he did while he was possessed.
it had been like this every night since he was 'cured'.
every time he tried to sleep, his brain would mentally pull up a list of everything evil he had done. it doesn't matter that it was the nogitsune-stiles knew that if he hadn't been so weak, so unbelievably human, that the nogitsune wouldn't have been able to take over-and those people wouldn't have suffered. his friends wouldn't have suffered.

groaning as he turned on his lamp, he rolled out of bed and went to get a glass of water from the bathroom.
'jeez, stiles. you looking freaking dreadful.'
he hadn't told anyone about the voice he heard in his head, he's heard him so long that he didn't think it mattered. when his mom died, he had started getting headaches a lot, and eventually it turned into this. he wasn't crazy though, he knew that. it was him, his own voice, just talking to him.
while the nogitsune had been in him he hadn't heard a word from other stiles. (let's call him void just for the bants)
void was right though. stiles really did look a mess. running a hand through His coarse black hair, stiles noted the large purple bags under his eyes and the unusually pale(even for him)pallor of his skin.
stiles opened the bathroom cabinet to get his toothbrush, and for the first time noticed all the small orange bottles stacked to the back of the cabinet.
he read the label on one of the bottles, 'desipramine'. he recognised that, it was his dad's old depression prescription. he knew his dad never took the stuff, he was convinced he could get better on his own, but stiles had made him pay for it anyway.
curiosity getting the better of him, stiles read the label to see what the pills had in them.
amphetamines? they kept you awake right? stiles could do with that right now, every time he shut his eyes he had a damn nightmare.
he counted the bottles in the cabinet. 6 bottles, all containing 8 pills...his dad wouldn't notice if one or two pills were missing, it's not like he ever planned on using them. before he could change his mind, stiles had popped the cap of the bottle and taken two of the pills, washing them down with cold water.
well, he didn't feel any different. maybe it took some time to kick in. he walked back to his room, booted up the computer, and got into researching about banshees. he'd promised Lydia he would help her muddle through being a banshee, so he might as well learn some stuff about them, right?

stiles alarm went off at 6am, startling him. he looked at the computer screen, amazed at how fast the time had gone, at how easy it had been. no guilt, no nightmares...he could get used to that.
stiles got ready for school slowly, taking more time than usual to tie his laces and get dressed. school was the worst. he knew his friends didn't blame him for what happened to Allison and Aiden, but he blamed himself and he couldn't bear to see the rift he had created in the group.
his hands started shaking, and his vision started to go blurry.
stiles hadn't had a panic attack since the one where...
'Lydia doesn't want you stiles, she never has and she never will. she doesn't see you that way. to her your just some dorky kid who was having a panic attack, and she acted on impulse. nothing more.'
stiles tried to push voids ramblings to the back of his mind. he was going to fight this panic attack. he breathed deeply, in for 5, out for 5, until his breathing had evened out. grabbing his bag and his phone he was about to leave, when he decided he better take 2 more of the pills, just to make sure he didn't fall asleep at school. he hadn't had any sleep after all.