the void - stydia

chapter two

stiles arrived at school slightly more agitated than usual. parking his jeep in the schools lot, he swung his backpack over his shoulder and sauntered up to meet Scott at the steps of beacon hills high school.
'stiles! dude, there's a party on Friday at violet burkes house, are you gonna come?'
'yeah sure, don't see why not. do you want to come in the jeep? it'll be easier.'
'yeah that'll be good, thanks bro. pick me up Friday at 8?'
'alright. now. have you done that essay we were asked to write for Harris? because I haven't done it. and he's literally going to eat me. and I don't want to get eaten, Scott. I am worth more than that.'
'stiles chill, Harris' car isn't here so he's probably off sick or something. stiles? are you okay...you smell kinda weird...'
'dude, your not supposed to comment about people's body odour. and yeah I'm fine. just gotta get to class.'

stiles patted Scott on the back and proceeded to walk up the steps towards the entrance. Scott, puzzled, stood waiting for kira. something had been off about stiles' emotional scent. he just didn't know what.

by lunchtime, stiles was tired. really tired. his eyes were drooping and he knew he would fall asleep soon...he needed some more of those pills, just to get him through the rest of the day.

'stiles. hey, stiles? where are you going?'
stiles spun round to see Lydia Martin, strawberry blonde beauty, flash him a smile and then a questioning face.

'oh hey Lydia...I was just um, gonna nip home I uh forgot my phone.'
'oh. okay! well do you want to come over later? I could do with a study partner, for English, and um, we always work well together.'
'yeah sure, call me later and let me know what time you want me there okay?'
'okay. bye, stiles.'

stiles wandered off across the parking lot, wiping sweat from his brow. why did he lie to Lydia? why didn't he just tell her he was going to get his medication?
oh right, yeah. because it wasn't his medication he was taking. but still, it's not a big deal, he's not a freaking junkie.
'Lydia doesn't want you to study. she wants you to sit with her and listen to her pour her heart out over some guy she got busy with who then left her the morning after. she's using you.'
stiles shook his head, trying to ignore voids whispers. but, it kinda was true. he had been madly in love with Lydia since the third grade, but it was unreturned.

Lydia watched stiles as he drove away in his jeep, wondering why he just lied to her. why did he say he was going to get his phone when she could see it in his pocket? something seemed off about stiles, but kira and malia approached her and so she shut her bad feelings out.

stiles never bothered going back into school. he only skipped gym and economics anyway, and he doubted coach would miss him.
lying back on his bed he took a deep breath and thought about everything.
he remembered setting the Oni on his friends. he killed Allison and Aiden. he killed them.
the nogitsune had spoke to him, while he was possessed. it told him that everything it was doing, was what stiles secretly wanted, and stiles was beginning to feel more and more like that was the case.
Allison had taken his best friend away from him, and she died. aiden had taken Lydia away from him, and he died too.
it really was his fault.
holding back tears, stiles stood and looked around his room.
the pack didn't need him, he was kidding himself if he thought otherwise. he was just a human. a hyperactive spaz. stiles wandered into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
'who are you?'
void whispered in his head.
stiles stared grimly at his reflection.
he hated the way he looked. he didn't like his hair, the way it stuck up all over the place. he didn't like his eyes, they were the colour of mud. his skin was pale and made him look ill. he was a skinny, scrawny boy, who was kidding himself that he could be great.
stiles punched straight through the glass in the mirror in a fit of rage.
blood seeped from his knuckles as he stared at his hands, shocked at what he had just done.
his eyes moved upwards, and fixed on the bottles of pills. without thinking, stiles grabbed a bottle and shoved it in his pocket, and then took two pills from another bottle and swallowed them dry.

Lydia waited patiently for stiles to pick up the phone. he answered on the third ring.
'hello? Lydia?'
'stiles, hey. do you still wanna study tonight?'
'of course I do Lyds. what time shall I come round?'
'can you come soon? maybe in an hour or something?'
'yeah sure. I'll pick up some coffee on the way.'
'thanks, stiles. see you soon.'
'bye Lydia.'

stiles paced his kitchen. how was he going to explain his hand to Lydia? oh yeah hey Lydia I had a psycho moment and punched through a mirror!
great, he'd screwed up again.
stiles grabbed a bandage from his first aid kit but there were no antiseptic wipes left. sighing, he went to his dad's cabinet and grabbed a bottle of cheap whisky. leaning over the kitchen sink, he cleaned his wounds, and bandaged them up, the smell of whisky making him wrinkle his nose.
curiosity got the better of him though, because he had never tasted whisky. vodka yes, whisky, no.
putting the bottle to his lips he took a long gulp, and was surprised to find that it wasn't actually too bad. he chucked to himself lightly, and screwed the cap on the bottle, before making the offhand decision to take it with him.
he took a swig every so often, even while driving to Lydia's. he felt badass, drinking and driving. this was good. because he was human, he could get drunk easier than Scott, and he hadn't had the chance to drink in a long time.