Social Casualty

12

"Just get used to it."

"What do you mean get used to it. You are my fucking friend. We cuddle and we laugh and you give me dating advice. That's how it's suppose to go you dick wad. Other than that. Whatever. I love you. Just know that. I fucking love you. Just not in the way you want me to."

"Okay so find somebody else who doesn't have feelings for you."

Michael left.

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I found myself cuddling to the bear that Niall got me from the fair. I wouldn't call it cuddling though. I just abused the poor thing. Good thing I have a second one.

It was like flung around to the point where I was just hugging it. And I tired myself to sleep. I was pissed on how things turned out last night.

And I feel stupid for saying to get used to it.

And I wanted to cry over Michael.

And I want/wanted him to cry over me.

And I wish Ashton and I weren't a thing.

And I wish Ashton wasn't such an adorable flirt.

Finally I wish that Michael had just said fuck it; told Ashton to fuck off that I was his, and to kiss me and tell me he loves me.

I guess that sort of happened.

What worries me is that I haven't cried about all of this. And not a single drop of emotion has surfaced since I went to sleep. It wasn't even sleep what I went through. I consider a blank point in time. Where from point A. to point B. is just empty. Just a point blank.

I don't know what to do.

Yet I am still able to get up and pack my last few things before we leave at noon.

I soon heard knocks on my door and opened it to an angrily confused Luke. I wanted to ask him what the issue was but he just told me to shut up by holding up only one finger.

"Good morning. Now I want you to explain why the fuck Michael came to Calum's room cursing and that nobody gets him and just generally off. I know this cause Cal texted me last night saying he was dealing with an upset Mikey. And told me that Michael was just in a pissy mood. And still is now. " he huffed all at once.

I nodded. Told him everything from when Ashton dropped me off. To where I fell asleep frustrated.

"Also. . . Why are you so. . . Emotionless? I would've expected for you to be completely offended and tell me that he's a jack ass. But you're just so chill about it. Is there something you're missing from all this?"

I don't know how to answer. All I did was gesture for him to come near me. And he sat. I leaned over and rested on him. He sighed and sat up.

"Could you maybe cuddle with the bear?"

"I got angry at that. I wanted to rip it's head off and wiggle myself inside there." Luke looked at me like I was psychotic. Fuck that. As if.

You know. . .

Maybe I am becoming psychotic.

It would explain quiet a lot.

Damn I am surely fucked now.

I should take it's head off. Then put a blanket inside so every time I go in I'm all toasty and warm.

Yep really fucked.