Hey guys, Just some background information here! My name's Lily and i am 19 years old. Currently, I am living with my boyfriend, Alex, in a apartment. We've been living with each other since last year, and this is my story..
To be honest, i'm so jealous of people that can relax whether during day or night while its storming outside.
They say it's Comfortable.
They say it's Windy.
They say it's Cooling.
They say it's Nice.
But,
I say it's horrible.
I say it's sad.
I say it's gloomy.
I say it's .. storming ..
Maybe it's because theres a storm in my heart. Sometimes, the sun makes it a little better. It gives me a little bit more hope to the fact that the storm in my heart might just go away, even when i clearly know it never does..
I love him so much, but i'm also afraid of him.
Maybe the fact that his sweet side is so warming and caring,
the fact that his hands give me assurance of tomorrow,
and the fact alone that i just love him that much to begin with.
But i'm so scared of the another him,
He becomes so different..
He becomes so cold, so bitter, so scary and--
Oh My God, his back!
I quickly hid at the dark corner of the living room hoping he wouldn't notice me due to his alcohol even though it's pretty obvious.
"Lily! Lily come out now!"
I begin to shiver by the call of my name and start to murmer to myself unknowingly,
( "Please.. please don't..Please leave..")
Of course, he found me.
He always does, who am i kidding?
"Bitxh where were you, I called you didn't I !"
"I-I'm s-sorry i-i didn't h-hear!"
"I fxcking called you twice!"
He pushed me to the wall hard and i knocked my head. There was a thud sound. Yes, it was that hard. It is that painful and unbearable. Why didn't i leave sooner you say? Would you leave the person you love so much? I won't. I believe he will change, he is not like this, i promise.
He threw a punch at me and i had to defend myself of course and also partially due to natural reflexes, and well he wasn't happy..
"Oh you dirty wrench, learned to defend yourself eh? If you don't want to suffer horribly, you better stop. And I mean it." He said.
I stopped, obviously. He means every word he said and i don't ever want to suffer any more worst than that. I just want to get it over with..
He threw a few more punches at me and i really couldn't take it anymore. Blood began to trickle down my face and i couldn't hold it in anymore. I know i will get in deep trouble for doing this but i have to, i must!
"Please Alex, stop! You're drunk!"
"I AM NOT DRUNK!" He shouted.
He begin to grip my wrists to the wall harder.
"Just.. stop please!"
I murmured softly as tears run down my face.
He threw me to the ground harshly and trampled on me one last time before dragging me by my hair towards the bathroom and locked me in.
"That is what you get for trying to order me around! I know what i am doing and i don't need a slut like you to tell me what am i doing, you are not going to come out for an entire day and you better not make any sound or i will drown you down in bleach! This is what happens when you try to defy me and trust my words, this is only the start!"
I hear his footsteps getting lighter as he walked away. My ankle is injured and i can barely stand up so i decided to just stay sitted for a little while. Unknowingly, more tears streamed down my face and i begin to feel so suffocated deep in my heart. That 0.1% of hope everyday to try and go through his drunken state kills me deep inside every single time.
Why did things turn out this way? What did i do wrong?
How am i going to continue living like this?
When will this stop happening?
Questions like this keep popping up in my head and i have no answers to them, not even a single clue of what am i going to do next.
The small window in the toilet beside the sink begin to reveal a little sunlight. Before i know it, the rain has stopped and i felt a little enlightened. I stood up slowly and limped towards the sink. I stared at myself through the mirror and once again, questions came to my mind. But this time, it was answered quickly.
Why am i doing this to myself?
Because i love him.
Why don't i try to talk it out with him?
Because i believe he didn't mean it.
Why do you still love him?
I.. I love him when he is not like this.. He is actually very caring, sweet and romantic. He's just abit different in his drunken state, i should learn to understand and accept him for who he is. Thats what Love isn't it? Learning to accept each others flaws and faults. I love him alot.
I love him and i know he love me too.
The bruises on my face is just a reflection of how strong our love is and how much i am willing to sacrifice just for him.
Morning came and i woke up to the faint sunlight that shone on my face through the small window.
The bathroom door unlocked and Alex came in, shocked.
"Oh my God, Lily! Lily.. What happ- D-Did i do this to- Oh dear Lily.."
He bent down and embraced me in his arms. I felt so reassuring. I knew Alex loves me, i know he didn't mean it. Suddenly, i felt silent crys. I pulled back from his embrace. His eye was tearing up.
"Hey.. Alex i'm fine, i'm really fine. It's alright i love you i'm glad you're sober now. I love you Alex."
I hugged him. I felt so useless, why did i make Alex feel sorry..
"Lily.. I can't handle how i keep on harming you.. I think it's just.. better to b-break up with me--"
"Alex, it's okay i'm really fine. Please don't say that.. I love you alot please.. Please don't leave me i promise i'm fine!"
I started to tear up. Who am i kidding? I am not fine. The injuries still hurt alot and my emotions are still abit shaken from last night. But i can't help it. I don't want him to leave me i love him so much, he is my world. This sounds crazy to you. You might say i'm stupid for still hanging on when he finally initiate the break-up and whatsoever but i can't give up on us. I love him so much he is my world, he is my everything. I can't imagine a day without him.
"Alex i'm going to go dress myself up and prepare our breakfast. We'll have breakfast and then leave for school, okay? It's fine Alex. C'mon let's get up and prepare for school."
He sighed as we stood up together and i gave him a reassuring look before heading to my room.
I made sure i apply a little more foundation than usual, then some eyeliner. I made sure my bruises are all covered up before changing into a hoodie and black leggings with black slip-ons, making sure that my injuries on my body are also covered up.
Just to be safe, i also applied a little makeup on my hands so my friends wouldn't easily notice it by accident too.
Then, i went to the bathroom to style my hair into a messy braid before heading to the kitchen. I fried a sunny-side up egg with sausages and set it aside on a plate for two. Then, i proceeded to getting Milk from the refrigerator and poured it into two cups.
Breakfast is served.
"Alex! Breakfast is done, hurry up!"
"Cominggggg!"
Alex wore a plain White V-neck Tshirt with Black Jeans and grey converse shoes. He looked great even though he dressed simple.
"Thanks babe, love you loads!"
"Love you more Lex ^-^"
Sometimes, i call Alex 'Lex' for short. Our friends do it too. Yep we have the same group of friends, mixture of girls and boys.
After finishing our breakfast, Alex drove us to school.
"Oh look whose here?" Christine teased us.
"Just the Strawberry Couple" Ricky and Jer continued.
"Hey Lily you're here! Lex too~"
Belle exclaimed.
"Whats up Lex and Lily"
Nigel brofisted both of us.
Apparently Ricky and Jer called us the strawberry couple is because like Strawberries, we are very sweet and loving to each other. Of course, it felt sour for them. They always felt disgusted lol. Alex went to Ricky and Jer, while i went to Nigel. Nigel is my boy best friend since 12 and will forever be haha. Ricky and Jer are twin boys and they are close to Alex, while Belle and Christine are pretty much stucked with each other like glue.
"Hey Lily you're okay?" Nigel asked.
"Yup!" I replied.
"C'mon be honest with me.. You know you can't lie to me, you suck at it"
So this marks the end of Lily's entry 001! What do you think of it? :)
