Paws Up

Ch. 1 - Ordinary day

Sarah's POV

I wake up with the noise of my alarm clock. It is 6:30 am. If I don't get up now, I wont be ready at time. So I decide to get up and get dressed. Now ready, I make my way to the kitchen. My foster family is already there: my father drinking his coffee and watching TV, my brother Jim eating toasts and my mother cuddling him. I sit on a little chair and drink a cup of milk - my parents don't allow me eat more then that at breakfast. Actually, I think they won't care at all if I spend the entire day without eating anything. Sometimes I wonder why did they adopt me. Maybe just for housework like washing dishes and cleaning the house.

- Ok, it's 7. - My mother says looking at clock on the wall. - You better go to the bus-stop now, sweetie.

- Ok. Bye mom. Bye dad. - Jim says picking up his school bag. I pick mine too.

- Bye-bye, Jimmy! Love you! - My mother says after kissing his cheek.

- Bye, son. - My father says smiling at him. They are always like this. Pretending I do not exist. They just talk to me when I do something wrong before punishing me. Jim and I arrive the bus-stop in silence, but he breaks it:

- Ready for another day of loneliness? - he asks. I don't answer and just look at my feet, pretending I'm not listening. Jim can look a baby to my parents, but he's making fun and hurting the younger kids all the time. That's his idea of fun. I think he usually doesn't get any consequences or punishement with no matter what he does. At least, not from my parents.

- Oh, don't worry. You'll be alone your entire life. - He adds, like he was trying to confort me. I was accustomed to this kind of things, but every time I heard them, it hurts me. The bus arrive and we get into it. Jim went to his usual spot where his friends were already waiting for him. Feeling those hateful eyes looking at me, I just stood on the bus floor and look at it. Nobody wants or allow me to sit next to them.

In school, when I'm not on classes, I spend all time on the library - it's the only place where people don't make fun of me. At least, sometimes.

I was making my way to the library, when someone pushed me so hard that I fall on the floor and drop my books with the hit.

- Oh, sorry! I didn't see you there, Anti-social! - a girl says and her friends laugh in an arrogant way. I ignore them and start picking up my books. When I was about to pick my notebook, a guy picked it first.

- What's this? Is this where you write your friends' names, Anti-social? - he asks. I hear more laughs. I slowly get up, staring at the floor and shivering.

- Well, it must be, because there's nothing written here! - Even more laughs. The crowd who was watching was having fun, for sure. I walk toward him without looking at him.

- Give me my notebook. Please. - I say shyly, still looking at my feet. People start laughing again, this time, a bit harder.

- Aww, you're nice. I like nice people. - he says. - But I don't like Anti-socials. - he throws my note book and it hits right on my face.

- Head-shoot! - he screams between people's loud laughs. Finally they go away, but I stay on the same place, whiping the tears that keep rolling down from my eyes.

When I'm back at home, I go straight to my room, close the door and silently start crying. I wanted to cry out loud, but I couldn't. If I did it, my parents would punish me for "disturbing" them. Any noise coming from me would annoy them. I breath to calm myself down a little and grab my iPod, put my headphones and start listening to my favorite singer's musics.

It doesn't matter if you love him
Or capital H-I-M M M M M
Just put your paws up
'Cuz you were born this way, baby

Her voice slowly helps me to stay calm and relax and the melody of the song seduces my heart to stop making me feel bad. It's so good when I'm listening to her.

My mama told me when I was young
We were all born superstars
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir

There's nothin' wrong with lovin' who you are
She said "'Cuz He made you perfect, babe"
"So hold your head up girl and you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say:"

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cuz God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
(born this way)

Ohh there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
(born this way)

Ohh there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
I'm on the right track
Baby I was born this way

I don't know how and why, but when I hear her singing these beautiful words with her amazing voice, it is like magic to me. Just this is enough to make me forget about my problems for a moment. I can't be myself like in the song, but just having the energy to keep going is all what I need.

At dinner, my father was watching TV, while eating.

- That "gay marriage" thing again.- he said with an annoyed expression.

- I simply hate these things. Men getting married it's...disgusting! - my mother says upset.
In my mind, I don't agree with them. Why can't people naturally choose who they want to love? Is it such a crime to love someone with the same sex? I don't know. I never fell in love before, I don't know how it is to love someone. Or be loved by someone.

- I heard that singer Lady Gaga supports them. - she says.

- She just does it for business, nothing more than that. - my father says.
Sometimes I want to say that I disagree with them, that some things are not like they think they are, but I just can't. Every time I do it, people laugh, like my opinion has no meaning and my parents punish me like I don't have permission to talk. And the only thing that give me strength to keep fighting, even if I'm always losing, is her voice. It's Lady Gaga's voice. I would love to find someone who likes her like I do, or just someone who doesn't make of fun of me all the time and accept me like I am, like a friend. But I never found that in my life. And perhaps they are right. Perhaps, I'll never find that.