“Miss Moore, I strongly recommend that you think about this again. This is a hard decision to make, it cannot be made in just a short period of time. Please Alexis think about this again.” My doctor says. She’s been with me ever since I was diagnosed. I do like her, it’s just sometimes she believes she knows best. And this time I know that she knows best, but it’s my decision.
“No Doctor Baker, I’ve decided, this is what I want to do. It’s my life please let me do this”. This is the second time I’ve brought this up in public. I’ve always known what I wanted to do since I was diagnosed. I just didn’t have the courage to tell my parents and the doctors. “You’ve been a great doctor, and I won’t forget you. You’ve been by my side through all of this, but it’s my time to make a decision. So no more chemo, no more drugs, nothing like that. I want to die. I’m ready to die. Please Doctor Baker, I ask you to grant me this last wish”.
“I wish I could Alexis for you, but you know I can’t, you are still technically a child which means your parents are the only ones who can withdraw your treatment. I’m sorry Alexis I really am”.
I walk out of my doctor’s office and walk up to the rows of chairs opposite. I guess this would be a good time to tell you I am only 16 and I know that my parents get the final decision. But I still had to give it a shot. “Think fast!” I yell into my sleeping best friend’s ear.
Mia jolts awake and sits up straight. She takes her thick rimmed sunglasses off and looks up at me.
“Not funny Alexis”
“Oh I don’t know I thought it was pretty funny, especially since I made the little girl over there jump too”. I point across the corridor to an empty chair. Mia follows my finger. “Made you look”
“You are a little kid at heart you know right?” Mia stands and links her arm through mine.
“I know, that’s why you love me so much”. I say poking her in her stomach.
Mia pokes me back. That’s what I love the most about her. Even though I’m being eaten alive, and my hair is nearly all gone (thanks to me ol’mate chemo) she still treats me the same. She isn’t afraid to slap me or swear at me. I am the same Alexis Moore to her. I am so grateful that I am.
“So what did the Doc say? Will she end your chemo?” We walk down the hospital corridor, skirting around a spillage sign and a group of people yelling at a doctor.
“She said no. I knew that she was going to say it, but I had a little hope, just a little bit that she would end it all”
“Alexis, you know I fully support you in your decision, and I agree it should be your choice, but surely this is the universe’s way of saying ‘what the hell you stupid child, you’re going to live so stop wanting to die’” I stop walking and release Mia’s arm.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that maybe this is a chance to fight the leukaemia, you never know what can happen”
“Mia, I know that I am going to die. I want to die. I thought as my best friend you would support me in this”
“Alexis… I … do support”.
“Good then, come on we’ll be late”.
