Waiting for the Sunrise

Chapter 7

Tori POV

Finally coming to realize everything that utterly went wrong last night was actually true and I can't wipe how unclean I feel about it all. I Came to Mason's house last night worse than I have ever felt and once I heard the slight click once and then twice behind the painted beige door reavealed someone just as if not more disheveled as I was if possible. You could smell the intoxication and depricating whiffing of depression and sadness through the stifle air proceeding through both my very best friend and I. Honestly I can't come to an understanding to how so much pain and sorrow enter throughout my life from the beatings and the rappings, I feel as if I were born the trash of every scumbag yet to know i'm suffocating and the light of the world is getting more difficult to see. Some believe in God and others believe in science well I honestly somewhere in the middle beliving in evolution and what I can see, yet I believe in the unseeing and the story of the bible and how we got here and what Jesus did I just don't understand how God or Jesus could let me suffer so much. I lost the rest of my senior year on this very day, the excitement of graduating and going to Baylor because i'm seeing a world of darkness instead of light.

As I stand before someone who has been there through it all, but yet to know what has all happened to me behind close doors and I hope he doesn't have to hear how weak I was with every hit and punch or thrust of an unwanted man on my body because he would run because i'm disgusting and dirty. Holding back every tear drop as best as my body could let me but in all works it was failing me uncapable of holding,what pitiful smile I had on it starts to falter and break down from the inside out. Mason wraps me in his arms and leads me to his room I let every tear of 18 years fall into his arms as we approach his room and his warmth and broadness comforts me into a deep slumber, but before the nightmares come rolling and awakes me I hear something unsure if its a dream or reality as I fade in and out I hear a crash if bottles breaking and a faint "don't be like me" before i'm gone in my thoughts and fears.

"No!no!no!stop!" It's what I scream over and over yet not a single soul hears my plea and battle cry for help, "the longer you fight the more it's going to hurt." I hear him say and my clatters with the glass and turn and sprint as fast as I can through the crowd and the loud music but every face I see is my very own hell and every single one is chasing me, but I stop and give up because I can't out run the golden boy and the longer I run the darker my world turns.... with that I jolt awake I just stare into darkness where I lay and slowly come to realize how afraid I am of not inly him but who I am and what ill become, the fear of lonliness, that no one really loves me anymore or ever did. All I can ask is what now? How do I explain and convince the people that I love that I am okay when I am so far from it?