Where do we go?

1

Silence filled Sheriff Morgan's car as he drifted smoothly down 8th street.  Thoughts of his son he left in his room alone filled his head.  It had been 6 years since his wife, and ever since leaving the boy seemed like the last time. 

I thought about this peaceful, yet upsetting thought a lot, especially when i was high to be completely honest.

Its actually quite fascinating how different drugs make us feel different things.

Like when Alcohol filled my veins now a days, i think of how the impact of a bullet doesn't feel exactly the way you would expect, followed by laying alone somewhere in a strangers yard, to be found by the horny drunk frat boy dragging me into some room and feeling no guilt because im to intoxicated to notice he didn't ask first.  It was bad how i didn't mind.  It was nice to feel sometimes.  but even the most thrilling experiences cause you to go numb sometimes. 

but as of right now, as it is 3;43 and i just took a hit, i am  thinking of the sheriff and how he must have been startled when the sound of his scanner rang through the small car  

"Dispatch We have a female, adolescent, shot on 5th in need of backup"

I bet the thought of a kid being shot made him turn that wheel especially quick.  i bet the thought of his own son, lying in between two dumpsters, screaming as several strangers tried to hold his hand.  

Morally, yes marijuana is wrong, but in my case its for "pain"  not exactly the kind i had expressed when the doctor came in and asked but hey pain is pain, and its something that hits you all at once.  So why not hit it back with a packed bowl.  

This is usually the part where i stop thinking about the sheriff because the rest of that story isn't so uplifting and i try not to ruin the vibes with it.  

Rather i skip to the part where i woke up the next day, hyped up on something, to my dad next to me. which is my favorite part,  not quite as exciting as the other parts but i like it.

he looked to me with the green eyes that i had inherited and asked wholeheartedly if i was okay.  how good could you be with a broken arm and a bullet through your chest but hey my dad was there.  i was feeling lucky.

a small smile is all i could get out and he hugged me in return promising to return with some raspberry jello.  

But unfortunately im starting to remember that he never did come back, and my eyelids are feeling light again.  

-----

"Auden" my sister shook me awake "time for church" she rolled her eyes

she was the type to take her "habits" too seriously in other words t she cut out god the first time she snorted cocaine. not exactly my thing but hey we all have coping mechanisms

i on the other hand had a weird relationship when it came to god, i really wanted to be a better person and all, but the second someone mentioned a party, all morals were gone 

After dressing in a yellow sundress and piling into my moms white Sudan with my brother sister and mom and step dad, i stared out the window and avoided eye contact with anyone for too long.  

20 minutes in and i was looking at my phone for a message or any indication that you existed still.

i knew you were out there somewhere, i could feel it.  But i also sensed you didn't want me to notice.