Where do we go?

7

Emma's p.o.v.

"Why don't you go hang out with Andy?" my mom repeated to me from the couch for the fifth time since i got up this morning. 

i groaned and stood from the couch abruptly

"Have fun" she said in a happy voice?"

"Fuck you mom" 

i heard her gasp as i slammed the door behind me and walked down the road.  

Knowing that Andy was probably at her boyfriends house, i took a left at the bottom and started for the mile walk.  

i heard heavy footsteps behind me.

i turned my head around to see who it was, but saw nobody.  

i'm going crazy, i thought to myself.

i faced forward  and decided to keep my head down and walk faster.  

Thoughts of that night filled my head with a familiar cloudiness

You know that feeling that something is going to happen and you have no control over it? it just consumes your entire being and all you can focus on is trying to keep breathing?

I had felt that way for 2 years.  

I felt a hand slip onto my shoulder, i stopped.

all i could hear was my heartbeat and his heavy breathing.  i swallowed and tried to hold back tears.  

"Are you coming this time?" his voiced flooded my mind and i covered my ears with my hands 

he reached up and pulled them away 

"Emma" he shouted

"Emma. stop" it wasn't him.  

"Auden?" i asked. surprised at how shaky my voice sounded 

"Emma, whats wrong?"

i closed my eyes and sat down on my knees.  Covering my eyes with my hands 

''Emma stop!"

i felt hands on me, was it both of them? were they both there?

"get off me" i said through tears., but their grabbing continued 

"Get the fuck off of me!" i yelled removing their hands 

i opened my eyes and saw Andy and Ryan, her boyfriend.  Standing over me. 

i think that's when i knew

-------

I stared at the wall while Andy got me ice for my head that i must have hit off of the sidewalk.\

"So, how have you been?" Ryan asked me, probably looking to ease the awkward silence between us

"Im good" i answered shorty

"really? thats good"

"not not really, does it look like im fucki-"

"Alrighty, so here" andy gave me a sandwich bag filled wiht ice and wrapped in a towel "How have you been" she asked me, sitting next to Ryan on the small floral print couch

I rolled my eyes

"Can we just have a normal conversation?" i asked "why does everything ave to be so goddamn weird when hes around" i shot Ryan unappreciated look and he looked down at his feet 

"Oh come on, you think this is his fault" she gestured at the air between us

"kind of"

"you're kidding"

i shrugge'd

"it couldn't possibly be the fast that you were just fucking screaming on the ground like a lunatic right?"

"Maybe if you weren't so involved with Ryan-"

"Im sorry that im not fucking Auden!" she stood up"i'm sorry that i cant be there all of the time for you no matter what you need"

"Obviously i don't need Auden! I'm fine without her clearly, im here.  At least i can handle people leaving, i don't sleep with every fucking guy i see behind my boyfriends back"

"say another word and i will fucking kill you" she said through gritted teeth

"Jokes on you i wanna die" i grinned

"at least i didn't fuck his goddamn brother while he was in the other room" i stood up and threw the ice and the couch next to Ryan

"She may have left, but at last i know how to fucking love someone 

"Nice visit" i waved sweetly and made my way out the front door