Random

Depressed Girls Deepest Thoughts

"I don't want to be saved anymore, I want to go back to the time where my sister never knew about my cutting and I could cut as deep as I wanted where I wanted when I wanted. I want my razors back, I want to shred my shoulder raw and wait till they turn into scars, then do it over again like an endless cycle. I want to cut my wrists soooo bad. I want to see thin scars draped on my skin. I want to see the blood. I want to be put on meds. Why? Cuz I know that if you take too much of those, and over dose, it's goodbye sweet earth. I don't know why I want any of these things. After a while of cutting it just became a habit, and habits are hard to stop. And since then it's gotten worse and intensified. I got more depressed and numb till it got to the point to where I don't remember why I was inflicting pain on myself and instead did it for fun. I enjoy it now, and I know that's sick and twisted, but it's just relief. After using it for so long as an escape and release, even though I forgot why I started, it still carries that relief with it, like all my problems are seeping out the wounds as blood and leaving a permanent mark and reminder that I went through something hard, that I fought to survive. Yeah I know, cutting isn't surviving is it? But it is. You're fighting to stay alive, and cutting to show that you are real and alive and can feel pain like everyone, and like a war, you're left with battle scars. Some people's wars end in a casualty, others in victory, some in a never ending battle until another war is fought and the cycle continues with that."