Dai

Resolve

Refreshing aromas of burning incense in my room helped me relax. The prayers of the temple were replaced by echoing soft music of celebration. News travel fast, it was thanks to Hama that people began to understand that i was different from other gods.
Skeptics were trying to avoid all of this and continued to worship outside the temple. However, with Dicer backing the story up, there was little room for doubt.

I wish i knew what to do next. I had to be honest and admit that i had no idea how i was going to save these people, let alone the world. I began to feel strange, being a leader wasn't my strongest aspect, it was odd that i remembered that from my past.

"Don't worry" she comforted me with her soft voice, sitting at the edge of my bed, excited and relatively happy. "You are unique.. Even if we didn't know much about defeating gods ourselves, you have a better chance...um.." Hama was hesitant and confused. Ever since the incident three days ago, she wasn't sure how she should address me. I smiled and helped her out every time "Use my name Hama, no lord or god or anything" she had a hard time adapting to this new idea of course. This goes against everything this world has believed in and learned. A rebellious god who helps people instead of hurting them.

"I need to figure out my powers first Hama.. This is the first step. I need to know how i moved that house or how i broke the huge doors, or even entered your heart space.. To me, this is too confusing" Hama was flipping the pages of temple books. Her eyes scanned the pages quickly, looking for answers.
"Look, Soul... What i know, or rather, we know.. Is that all the gods reach Dai through their emotions.. The state that drives them to break into our world. It's safe to assume that when you are in a critical emotional state, you can call forward extraordinary powers..."

Emotions? It was very weird, but my reaction to that word was rather dull. I felt like that part of me was numb and really outdated. I couldn't remember much about my past or earth, but when i saw Hama's breakdown, an image of a woman flashed before my eyes. I can't remember her, but i remembered breaking her heart. I felt betrayed though, by my previous life, my old world. Even as i feel these flashes of emotions, i can't fully relate them to anything, nor can i relate to them.

I closed my eyes, trying to focus more, imagine and remember. How was my life back there? Give me anything, any sign, i promise i will let go of the memories... But at least let me keep the emotions.

A heart that's really damaged and can't be replaced...
Is it really that useful, Dicer?

* * *

Deep inside a pool of thick darkness that engulfed all light, resides someone whom i knew, but i couldn't remember. My body was being torn by the intense thickness of this depth of darkness. I felt sorry for the one residing inside.

-Don't feel pity for me! I'm not pitiful!-

The voice echoed in my head, ringing and resonating. I was no longer sure if the words were mine or his. His...? Who are you anyway? Why are you sinking down this endless darkness?

-You\I...? No longer have a choice, when this world has destroyed us both... Why would we choose to rise? So that we are struck down again by the madness?-

The voice was angry... I was angry too. My eyes weren't mine, or were they his? I wasn't aware of my own body. I choose to believe that i was separate, looking down onto him.

-Fool, you blocked them away again, didn't you? You always end up coming back to the painful memories. You sick pain loving bastard!-

The huge cards were nostalgic, the whole scene before me felt familiar. I was standing beside him, he was near me. Before us both, piles of giant cards fell down endlessly. My heart was aching, i felt a swell of emotions clogging my veins with pain. I began to laugh, or perhaps he was laughing at me. I looked up at him and realized who it was.

"I hate you, Berserker..." I greeted him. He smiled with his face, my face, "I love you too, Soul" he replied. I can't remember how long it's been since i created this alter ego. His mastery over my heart and emotions made him so strong, and yet so blind. Blindly strong...
The cards kept falling down before us, i was on my knees, clutching my chest in pain. He stayed silent, but smiled at every card that fell down.

-You remember those, don't you?-

he pointed towards several cards that were blue colored. They carried words and shapes i couldn't see clearly, but recognized.

-Your first love. It was so pathetic, i wore diapers back then. Seriously, i couldn't believe how pathetic you were with her. You obsessed after it ended that you dug deep down till you found them...-

My heart almost stopped. The feelings accompanying my discoveries back then returned just as fresh and vivid. My eyes betrayed me as i cried, my heart broke again and again with hammers of truth.

-She betrayed you, cheated on you even when you abandoned the world-

"Shut up... Stop talking. Just stop. I'm already bleeding" my shaking voice managed to stop him. But Berserker grinned.

-Fight it all you want, it's still a part of you, this will always remain a part of you. Fire that you put out by forgetting, but the burn mark can never go away-

The more he talks, the harsher his resonating voice becomes. I was going insane with my wet face against the unseen ground and my aching heart breaking my bones and shattering to pieces. I felt as helpless as i've been before.

=If the burn mark is still there, why don't you use it as a weapon...? You know you can do that right?=
A new resonating voice invaded my brain, as if i needed more pain. However, this one was actually soothing and relieving. I tried locating its source but there was no one beside Berserker.

=You are not yet ready to see me. Just go back with a strong resolve, you know what to do now=

Berserker seemed annoyed by the new voice, however, he stayed silent and looked away, then finally spoke.

-Just call me when you need to use me... You always have and it seems like you always will...-

The darkness returned and covered everything around us, i was swallowed by the endless depth of darkness and lost memory of everything that took place.

What.. Where.. Why.. Who..?

Just as i asked for, i only gained emotions.

* * *

I opened my eyes, Hama was still looking into the books. I reached out for her hand and held it gently "I know what to do.." I finally found my voice along with my resolve.