Destruction

Chapter 18

(Lucy's POV)

It's been several months and the trial was crazy. Everything went smoothly for once, but it was terribly time consuming. I just couldn't deal with anymore heartache, but that's exactly what I got. That's exactly what I always get.

I shake my head of the thoughts and walk into the secluded little box. I take my reserved spot and sit patiently, raking my hands along my thighs. The curtain opens and I look at Jason laid there on the table. His eyes immediately find mine and he smirks. I will the tears to stay back as I continue watching. 

The other familiar girls are around me, not able to sit still either. My heart clenches in my chest as I watch everything unfold in front of me. As soon as the needle hits his arm, I cringe. Jason just chuckles, still watching me. 

I watch as he seems to go rigid, but he forces his eyes to stay on mine. Eventually his body goes limp and his eyes stay open, watching me. The men cover him with a sheet and the curtain closes. I squeeze my eyes shut, releasing a breath I hadn't known I was holding. 

I'm the first to leave the room and I listen as footsteps follow in suit. I stand outside by a bench and try to catch my breath. "Lucy, talk to me." I turn to see officer Hotchner standing there. 

"Please, please just leave me alone. God, just leave me," I breathe.

"I'm not going to do that, Lucy," He whispers. 

I finally break down and allow the tears to stream down my face. Hotchner allows me to hold onto him so I don't fall down. "It hurts, Hotchner. It hurts so damn bad," I cry.

"I know, Lucy, I know. It's going to. It won't be this way forever, I promise. You're going to feel better soon. You won't always feel like this, I promise," He assures me. I become frustrated and shove him away. 

"Damn it!" I shout. 

"Lucy, you need to calm down," He says. 

"Fuck off," I snap. I try my best to compose myself and head towards my car. As soon as I get there, I turn the engine over and speed towards my shitty apartment. When I get there, tears are streaming down my face and my breathing is labored.

"I can't do this anymore," I sob. My body shakes and I try to control it, but it's no use. 

(Hotchner's POV)

Yesterday, I decided to let Lucy just go home and try to compose herself. I want her to be able to control her feelings and I'm hoping that giving her some space will help. We have one last court appearance today. 

"Does anyone know where Ms. McMillan is?" A court officer asks. I raise a brow and frown. "She should be here but no one has seen her," He says. He approaches me and a frown covers his face. 

"I'll go visit her apartment and bring her here," I say. He nods and walks towards the judge, speaking to him. 

I sigh and head out to my cruiser. Eventually I find myself at Lucy's apartment. I look around, trying to spot her. I hear the television on in the back room and I check every room, making sure she's not there. I look in her room and notice she's not there,either. I frown and open the bathroom door. 

My eyes immediately find her in the tub. 

"Oh, God." 

"How long?" I ask Charles. 

"About an hour, Hotchner." I look at him and nod. I watch as they wheel her limp body out in a black bag. A sudden cry pierces the apartment and I rush over to Lucy's grandparents. 

"Wait, you can't go in here. You need to calm down, alright? Calm down," I rush. 

Sobs rake through her body and I try my best to comfort her. Lucy's grandparents hold each other and I sigh, looking down. I can't believe that after all of this time, after everything she's been through and this is the way she goes out. 

I walk back to the bathroom and stare at all of the blood. My body is rigid with anger at how things turned out. She was finally free and then she put herself down. I walk over to the note on the counter. 

Hotchner, 

I know for sure you're going to find this note. I know for sure you're going to find me here. I just want to say sorry first of all. I know you're probably mad at me now, but I couldn't take anymore of the pain. Luke was the most I could have survived. I know it was finally over, but I don't think I would have been able to handle all of the question and stares. 

It all just seemed like it would be impossible to live through. My chest was always aching with pain and that was hard to handle. I didn't want to walk through my life hurting and waiting for the next burden to hit me. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I don't know why bad things like that happened to me. 

I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but if I stayed here any longer, I was just hurting myself even more. I honestly didn't think I deserved that after all of the pain I've endured. I just wanted to end it all and this was the best I could think of. 

I'm sorry I didn't come to you. I'm sorry I didn't come to anyone. Please know it's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. I was just going through too much for me to handle. I just couldn't take it anymore. Please know that I'm truly sorry. I was sad to see it end this way, too, but I wanted to just get away from it all. 

This is probably really all over the place, but I'm happy. I'm finally in control of something. I just wanted something to go my way and this can only go my way. It was actually an easy decision. After everything, this was probably the best decision I could make. I'm only trying to end my pain and this is my fix. 

I've never done anything like this before, but it felt right, you know? I'm really really sorry. I just felt like this was the right thing for me to do. Yeah, it may have been painful, but I honestly think it was worth it to get away from all of the pain and heartache. 

Anyways, this note is getting way too long. I'm sorry, Hotchner. I'm sorry to anyone that I hurt, alright? Please tell everyone to be happy. At least the two that actually cared about me... But anyways, thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me. Thank you for helping me. I'm sorry I did this to myself, but thank you.

-Lucy