Sweet Little Lies

Ch. 10 Sorry, not sorry.

Ajax West
    I climb into the truck, making an effort not to look back at the window where Harper was standing.
"Harps not coming." I tell Dan, bitterly. To say I'm embarrassed about last night would be an understatement. Reacting how I did to hearing shes had a romantic relationship with someone other than me left my head spinning. This morning it played through my head a million times while I was getting dressed. I left my room and waited in the kitchen hoping she would still come fishing with Dan and I, no luck. I cant blame her for not coming with us, but it still pisses me off just a little.
As Dan accelerates out of the driveway I turn to him no longer hiding my irritation. "You're a fucking asshole."
"What the hell did I do?" He asks, confusion and amusement in his voice.
My jaw starts to clinch and unclinch at his amusement. "You could've told me she had a boyfriend back in Arizona. The same "friend" she stayed with during holidays. I was blindsided by it last night and it didn't end well." For the chair or the wall, I almost add.
He shrugs. "Didn't know it concerned you and its not like I go around discussing Harp's love life."
Feeling every muscle in my body tense up I roll my shoulders and sit back. "I made a total jackass outta myself."
I confess.
"So, you got mad. Harp will get over it." He replies, easily.
I grumble at his response. "I put a chair through the wall in her room. I was yelling so loud your dad came over. You really think she'll just forget about it?" I shake my head angry with myself.
Dan laughs, irritating me even more.. "What'd Pa say?"
"I didn't stick around to find out." I reply, wanting nothing more then push him out of the truck when he responds by laughing again.
By the time we get to the lake I'm ready to be by myself for a while. Dan treating my predicament with Harper as a joke has me on edge, I desperately need to get a grip and think of a way to apologize. After Dan parks the truck I grab my fishing gear and head down to the shoreline taking a right as Dan goes left. If he notices or cares that I went the opposite way he doesn't say anything. We usually cast close enough to show each other up when it comes to our fishing skills. Sitting on a huge boulder I set my hook and cast into the lake, not really caring if I get a bite or not. My mind is preoccupied with a million ways to say, "I'm Sorry."
As the time nears 10:00 a.m. I reel in my line and head back to the truck. The only thing I'm coming away with today is an rehearsed apology. I'll say, "I'm sorry" and leave it at that. I am truly sorry for how I acted, I never meant to scare her. However, the more I think about it the more I'm not sorry that I had the reaction that I did. I've told her that I want her to be mine. How did she think I'd take the news that she was with someone before me? its not that it really matters to me, but he kept her from me. He was the one responsible for her not coming home. I'm more upset that she would love someone more than me. The realization that she could go four years without seeing me because she was with him is like a punch to my gut.
I throw my gear in the back and climb into the truck to wait for Dan. Minutes later I hear him load his catch and open the truck door. He gets in and starts the engine. "Look, man. I get that you've all of a sudden decided that Harps the one for you, but she not. Its that simple."
I run my hand down my face. Leave it to Dan to tell me exactly what he thinks without mincing words. "You don't know what you're talking about." I reply. There is a part of me that fears Dan might be right. I might no longer be at square one with Harp, hell I'm probably off the board, but I know she loved me once and I can make her again.

Harper Morgan
I walk back home after Ma roped me into helping peel apples to go in the pies for the church charity auction tomorrow. An event I was told I had to go to. I know Ajax came home an hour ago but he left again and hasn't been back. What a mess this is. Maybe I should've lied to him, it would've ended better. I just don't think Remmy should be a dirty little secret. I wasn't goading him when I said Remmy was my best friend, well maybe I was, but he was acting like a jerk. Agh, why isn't he back yet, I want to get this awkward talk out of the way. Opening the front door, I make my way to the kitchen. Cooking, thats the easiest way I know how to say, "lets forget about last night." Looking in the refrigerator I decide to make fried chicken with mashed potatoes and green-beans, Ajax's favorite. The phone starts to ring as I pull out the chicken quarters. "Hello." I say, after hitting talk on the cordless phone.
"Hey! That was fun last night!" Kira's happy voice greets me.
"Yeah, it was fun reminiscing and catching up on the local gossip." I agree.
"Totally. The only thing better would've been leaving with someone. Agh, my life is so boring! Tell me you woke up in Ajax's bed after a night of debauchery!"
"Nope, my night ended in a lot of yelling and destruction."
She giggles. "What does that mean exactly?"
I fill her in on what happened and after a few gasps and a couple laughs I ask her, "What should I say to him?"
"I would wait for him to say something. I've know Ajax a long time, he'll apologize its just the way he is."
"He was really mad." I say, doubtful of her faith in Ajax.
"Clearly." She scoffs. "Look, maybe its not such a great idea to live together. It might be better to get to know each other slowly. Four years can changes a person. He expects you to be exactly the same person and likewise for you."
"You're right. I don't think either of us were ready for this." I admit.
"Well, he obviously wants to be with you. Do you want to be with him?"
I take a minute to think about Ajax. Sometimes I think we have too much of a past together to really start over. How are we supposed to move on from where we left off? I still see him as the bossy unattainable best friend of my brother and he still sees me as a naive little girl that is desperately in love with him. I may still love him but I'm not naive, I'm an independent woman who wont just fall at his feet because he wants me to. Knowing I have feelings for the old Ajax doesn't mean I love the man he has become.
"I don't know. Maybe he's changed too much, I know I have. If we're both looking for the old us, its a battle we'll lose. We've grown up. We're different people, like you said we're not the same people we were four years ago."
"I have an idea. Come stay with me and my gran's house. She wont mind and we have more then enough room."
"Really? That'd be great as long as Dan will lend me his car, he never uses it anyway."
"Ask him and talk to Ajax tonight. You're coming to the church auction tomorrow right?"
"Yes, I just spent hours with Ma baking."
She laughs and responds, "Well, you can tell me how everything went and we'll make plans then."
"Sounds good. Thanks again, Kira."
"Please, what are friends for? Good luck with Ajax. Oh, to be a fly on the wall when you tell him." She says, wistfully.
"Thanks, I'm going to need it. Talk to you tomorrow."
"Bye."
I hang up the phone and start on dinner. Just as I set the chicken to cool on the rack I hear the door open and Ajax's heavy footsteps. Taking a deep breath I push back my shoulders and wait for him to walk into the kitchen. Seconds later he appears and I give him a weak smile. "Hey, hope you're hungry."
"Starving. A tree took out a part of the east fence and a couple cattle made their way on to Henry Peterson's property."
I nod, telling him I'm listening as I take two plates from the cabinet and hand him one. We both load our plates and walk to the table in silence. Sitting down across from each other, I start to play with my mashed potatoes. "Listen, about last night." I start and clear my throat, thinking about what to say next.
"I'm sorry. I overreacted." He states, looking at his plate.
"Lets just forget it happened, Okay?"
His eyes lift to mine confused and a little shocked. "Really? I thought you'd be mad."
I shrug. "Its not worth being angry about."
"Agreed. Just don't bring the subject up ever again."
"I didn't bring it up you did." I point out.
He laughs uncomfortably. "Yeah, I guess I did. Trust me, I wont ever do it again."
I give a sigh of relief. "Good, no more awkward talks with Ma. I appreciate that." I joke and we both laugh. "I don't know why you're laughing she told your Ma everything on the phone. Lets just say you'll be getting scolded very soon. Expect a call at six tonight." He groans in response. "Just tell her we made up and you volunteered to help at the church auction tomorrow. She'll forgive you."
He groans even louder. "What are they raising money for this time?"
"No, idea. Restoring stain glass windows maybe?" I think my ma mentioned something like that, but I cant really recall the conversation.
He rolls his eyes, "So, they're selling pies and cakes to raise the money? I'll just write them a check and they can be done with it."
"Fine, but do so after the auction. I didn't spend my whole afternoon peeling apples and making pies for nothing."
"Fun morning?" He asks, and I scoff at his question. "Bet you wish you would've went fishing with us."
"Shut up. It was quality time with my Mother grilling me endlessly about you and I." His smile if possible gets even bigger.
"I like how that sounds." He says, huskily.
"Yeah, Yeah." I respond, ignoring the timber of his voice and its effect on me.
We eat in silence for a few minutes and I shift in my seat thinking about what I have to tell him about moving in with Kira. I know he wont like it, but I need him to start respecting my decisions if he wants our relationship to go in the direction he expects. "Listen, I was talking to Kira today and she mentioned an extra bedroom I can stay in at her gran's place." I watch his posture change, before he can respond I continue. "I told her I'd love to stay with her, but it all depends on whether Dan will let me borrow his car to get back and forth."
"I thought we were over last night?"
"We are. I just think its for the best."
"Explain." He orders, his eyes narrowing on mine.
I exhale loudly. "Were not the same people we were four years ago, Ajax. If we want to get to know each other how we are now we're gong to have to do it slowly, because this isn't working. We keep expecting things to go back to the way they were and thats not going to happen."
He shakes his head. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. You were supposed to come home and want to be with me, like you did before you left."
"I'm not the girl I was, anymore than you are the boy you were. We have to acknowledge that, then we can see if the people we are now, is what we want."
"Then stay here. We can get to know each other better if you're here and not 30 miles down the road." He points out.
"No, we need to start over. Dinner dates, the movies, dancing, things like that." I say, convicted I'm right.
"I still don't want you to go." He sighs, knowing he's losing this battle. I know what I said makes sense to him, its just accepting it and moving forward.
"Alright. Its not like I can keep you here." He replies, wearily.