The Gated Return

Chapter 4 - Distant

"John, Daniel, dinner time!" Shouted mom. A moment passed while I sat there at the edge of my bed trying to understand the world and why things just were so out of sort all the time. Sure, I have school and family, but I didn't have any friends. "Boys! Get your asses in here now!" Mom yelled again. But I didn't feel like eating. Instead I wanted to understand why things were the way they were and how everything worked so it would all make more sense. Or maybe, I just wasn't paying enough attention and overlooking the answers that were right in front of me. Perhaps I will never know. "Daniel do you have a problem with your ears?", asked mom. "No mom.... Im sorry, I just am not hungry right now", I replied. "You can either eat now, or not at all, your choice." And she walked away silent leaving me to sulk. She waited for me in the dining room thinking she called my bluff but after two hours, she realized that maybe there is something more serious she should look into. After all, the last time she grew concerned about me, this ended up causing me to become medicated and having some kind of blackout I still cannot explain. "Oooh, my old Casio! I wonder how it works..." I began using anything metal I had to use as a screw driver and began taking it apart piece by piece until it was nothing but wires, circuit boards, and plastic parts. It didn't make much sense to me so I tossed it in the garbage. I didn't play it much anymore anyway and I now have a bigger one.

I found more things to take apart over the next few months, all with the same result. I simply didn't understand the complex components to any electronic item I disassembled. I even attempted to reassemble some of them which looked like it was okay minus a couple of screws, just they no longer worked. Perhaps I am going about this all wrong. Maybe I am taking apart the wrong things. " I am so lost." I questioned how I am to understand what's is going on if I don't even understand every day things like radios, televisions, and other miscellaneous items I've dismantled over the months. Maybe its time I start asking the questions that I've been told to never ask. Maybe people are hiding something from me. Could it be that others understand and purposely have kept it from me? No way, that's just to arrogant. But maybe there is something there.

"Hey Mom, got a sec?"

" Sure hun, what's on your mellon?"

" How is it that a bunny lays eggs on Easter when rabbits don't lay eggs? And what does that have to do with Jesus' resurrection anyway?"

"Daniel, I have told you before to never question God. Now go to your room and pray for forgiveness. He has a purpose for us all and yours will be taken away if you question his work."

I dropped my arms to my side and my eyes looked down to focus on the carpet as I took a moment to think. "But I am just asking why, Mom. I just want to understand." Mom glared at me with her lips clenched together as if she were holding back the word of God with all her strength. Feeling defeated, I walked away to sulk more in my bedroom. It wasn't long before I gained the courage to venture out with my question about the rabbit because now that my own mother has refused to help me, maybe there is something being kept from me. I mean really, how the heck does a rabbit popping out a candy egg have anything to do with religion? So why not ask our preacher directly, I thought to myself?

"Um, excuse me, may I see Father Wright?" I asked the front clerk. "Im sorry, he wont be back for at least another few hours and is with his family now." She replied. "Oh, okay. Thanks. Can I sit here and wait for him to return? I mean... if that's okay." She smiled for a moment at me and shook her head "yes" with a slight sigh. I waited about twenty minutes and looked around the room. There were a lot of photos of this lady on the wall and a large statue of Jesus hung on a cross behind her desk. "So do you think Jesus really did that to absolve us all of our sins? As in like, forgiving us even the future us, kinda stuff?" I asked. The clerks hands froze at the keyboard in mid typing and she diverted only her eyes directly at mine. Not even her head moved. It felt like minutes went by in a motionless room in pure silence. Then she said, "I'm sorry dear. Father Wright just emailed stating he isn't feeling well and wont be back until tomorrow", neglecting to answer my question. I got up and walked out without saying a word in hopes my silence was drama enough of how I felt about the situation. I only walked about twenty feet before I fell to my knees and started to cry. "If you are so damn Ol Mighty, why the hell is it so difficult to get some answers?!" Shouting at the top of my lungs in tears. I sat at the curb sobbing for a few minutes and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man in black walking from the church. I wiped my watery eyes and looked up and it was Father Wright walking out of the church. I quickly got up, taking this as some kind of miracle and answer from God, and ran to Father Wright as he was abruptly walking to his black, just polished, Mercedes. I reached him just as he put the keys in the lock cylinder. "Father! Wait! I have to talk to you." He turned and looked at me right in the eye and said, "Don't you get it? You cant go around asking things you know nothing about. Stop digging and just accept things the way they are. Now are you here to confess? Otherwise I have to go." I stood in silence for only a brief moment not sure what to say. "Okay then, have a blessed day young man." And he got in his car and slowly backed out of the space while I stood there unable to speak. What I had realized was, that Father Wright was in the church the whole time and listened to my question I had asked the clerk. He purposely avoided me but why? He doesn't even know why I was there to start with. And finally as his tail lights were in the distance, it came out in a soft whimpered voice, "but what about the bunny eggs?"

After asking the only two people I trusted in my world for help and being turned down by both, where now? God himself? Fine! "God. Hear my words now as they contain a proposal. They tell me not to make a deal with the devil, but I have never heard of not making a deal with you. So here it is, you show me what I am missing and help me understand the truth, I will in return use that knowledge to better my life and only use it for good, never evil. Deal?" I bellowed out loudly looking upwards towards the clouds. There was nothing but silence. I looked around me and nothing changed. It was the same old world of lies and I am now getting angry that I cannot get the truth from anywhere. But I'm a fair person, I will ask even people I don't know or trust. Why are we here? Is there a purpose? How is time related to reality? What is the meaning of life? Any answers please! But all I got was the same shunning and hatred from anyone I asked. This helped me realize that while I am searching for the answers to these questions, I can only presume that everyone I am asking are also searching for the same and don't want to admit it, thus blame me for "questioning God". So be it, they can all be sheep and follow the flock, but not me. I refuse to live this lie. I demand to find out the truth and when I do, I will show you all. You'll see...