Hidden Feel

Hidden Feel, part 47

YOUR POV.

It's been a little while ago I cut myself for the first time, I guess 2 months, and I couldn't stop. Honestly, it became worser and worser each time. But Harry still hadn't noticed, fortunately. I didn't want him to see it, because perhaps he'll leave me, break up with me, hate me. And him leaving me, was the last thing I ever wanted. When Harry was around, I felt safe. I could push myself in his strong arms, in his strong, protective grip. 

Harry made me feel beautiful, depsite the hate messages I received. Harry had asked me if I ever received hate mails, and I told him I received them, but not that much and I ignored it, not thinking about it. 

But I lied. Every morning I woke up with new nasty comments that I used Harry for money and fame. They told me I was a bitch, acting like a slut. About how much they hated me and that I was fat and ugly. 

But they thought wrong, well, about the last things they were right. Because I was fat and I was ugly. Sometimes I didn't understand why Harry was still with me, why would he choose me if he can get every beautiful, gorgeous, skinny model he wanted?

I soflty sang along with the music which came out of my phone. Slowly I shoved the long sleeve from my sweater, which was covering my wrist, up and let my cold finger slid over the scars which were created by little knifes and little razor blades.

I flinced as I accidenlty scratched a scab of a new cut from yesterday. I bit my lip as I felt something warm streaming over the skin of my wrist. I cursed softly, so nobody could hear me. Quick I yanked a small towel from the reck in the bathroom from Harry's apartment and held it against the little bleeding wound.

Harry was still in the livingroom as I was done taking a shower. Strands of wet hair fell over my shoulders and stuck against the fabric of my sweater which covered my back.

Suddenly the music from my phone stopped playing for a second as my phone vibrated shortly, which meant I had a text. I wiped some blood away before I threw the towel in the laundry basket which stood in the corner of the bathroom. 

I walked up to my phone which lay on washing stand and I held it in my hand, unlocking it, touching the screen to enter the passcode, 0328, March 28th, the day Harry had his audition at the X-Factor, the day we kissed.

From: Harry <33

'Hi babe, why is it during so long? wanna cuddle with you :( xx'

I let out a small chuckle because of his cuteness. I let out a sigh as I lay my phone back on the sink before I wore some grey sweatpants and warm socks. I put my wet hair in a messy bun as I walked out of the steamy, warm bathroom. A cold gust greeted me as I walked through the hall towards Harry's bedroom, throwing some stuff on the black duvet before I walked to the livingroom , seeing Harry lying on the couch, pretty comprehensive. His large body took the whole couch. His eyes were closed as I saw earphones in his ears while he listened to some music from his phone .

I giggled and slowly walked up to him before I lay myself on him, our hips touching and my chin leaning on his muscular chest, my hands near his face. A grin spread across his face, but he let his eyes closed. 

His eyelashes rested on the top of his pink cheeks as he yanked the earphones out of his ears, throwing his phone and the white earphones on the carpet. He wrapped his strong arms around me, pulling me closer to him, if that was even more possible. 

He turned to one side and took me with him, so now I was between his body and the back of the soft sofa. Harry's eyes were still closed as his warm hand rubbed my lower back. I buried my face in his muscular chest, feeling his heart beating.

A small grin spread across my face as my hand went up to my lips, nervously feeling the warm, soft skin on my face. How could I ever think he was dangerous? Because, you should've seen him how he looked like right now, he was like an angel. He couldn't hurt anybody, except a person who hurt a person he loved. He was so peacefully and cute. I still didn't understand why Jake Miller, Rebecca's cousin and Rebecca told me I had to watch out for him. I knew, Harry would never hurt me, he only wanted to protect me, that's all. 

I hated to hide my feelings and thoughts for him, actually I really wanted to tell him about the hate messages, I wanted him to tell them to stop. But another voice in me said I shouldn't tell him. I didn't want him to worry about me, I didn't want him to think I was a silly, poor thing. I wanted him to act normal to me, like he always did before.

But since a little while, I noticed Harry didn't speak as much as he did before. Sometimes he acted different, a little bit upset. He was quiet, honestly, he wasn't that sociable anymore as he was before. Actually I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but I was afraid he 'd become angry and I didn't want him to be mad at me.

He was also hiding something for me, he was hiding his feelings for me, a hidden feel.