Once in a Lifetime Bug

Playbook of Infatuations- Chapter 2

Just when I thought things were falling back into place like they were meant to be, there was this smidgen of doubt if whether I would have to face and bear a couple more heart aches before I could finally be happy and smiling again.
That smidgen of doubt proved to be true and what I most feared was exactly what came next.

A couple of months after my first love experience as I was settling back to my original routine, I started to keep myself really busy with school work, band and choir work just so the same scenario and repercussions don't happen. I was put in-charge of selecting new singers and musicians for the choir for upcoming events and competitions in school. Never did it occur to me even for a fraction of a moment that this task was going to lead me into another maze of problems and heartaches. The 2nd heartache arrow was ready and aimed to be shot straight at me to break me all over again.

One of the days in November, I was auditioning a couple of juniors to select new and really talented singers for the competitions that were up in December. That's when I first met and got to know Tia, one of the juniors who I had heard about from my friends and also that she has strong feelings for me. Honestly I found it adorable to see that a few juniors admire me for my talent, but I didn't realize how that same thing would turn around and bring feelings to be born in me for her as well. I slowly started to admire her during practice hours, school assemblies, during breaks and even on social sites. Her innocent looks was what always mesmerized me from the start. The way she spoke with such affection and grace just showed how sweet and pure her heart was. But like the saying, "Never judge a book by its cover" I should have realized back then that I shouldn't have assumed her personality by her outward appearance.

After knowing her for hardly a few weeks we started dating and again it was a repeat of what happened with Jayne. But the only disparity was that Jayne had taken nearly a year and a half to break me down while Tia took just 3 months to use me and took advantage of me and my reputation in school among my friends and other students and just dragged me down back to the ruins. It was an entire replicate of what Jayne had done to me but in a lesser span of time. This time I lost all hope and faith in Love and stopped believing in love shown and given in any form whatsoever.
For me, as a person who's an extrovert, was forced into building a barricade around myself so that I don't get hit emotionally because I already had enough to deal with in terms of my education and in my family environment.

My family life had become so hard to deal with all thanks to my academic performance and change in behavior due to all the soreness that I was holding inside which eventually caused me to push all my loved ones away and live in solitude. The pain not only caused my heart to fall apart but I had also started to induce more pain by cutting myself, staying to myself and letting the pain take over my mind and soul. The pain had affected me in such a way that I wasn't prepared to let anyone in, not even a friend or a family member to get close or attached to me because I was in the most fragile mental state to listen or to trust anyone with their words and gestures.

As time passed by, I gradually got back onto my feet and started to spend more time with music and choir work. 10th grade had started and I still wasn't serious with my studies. I had never found any of my subjects to be appealing and as everyone knows, 10th is the pinnacle of our education because that is the criteria based on which our career is determined. Despite knowing the harsh facts of reality, I was adamant about following my dream of becoming a musician, which is a very competitive field to pursue a career in, but music had always been my passion right from the very beginning.
Just a week before boards, I still was playing the fool around by sitting online on social sites, watching TV, playing video games and listening to music. I didn't even take a peek into my books until a day before boards. I knew that I would have to face the repercussions for my actions. And so finally, boards had arrived.

On the first day, we all assembled in our respective classes and everyone was so tensed about the exam. On the other hand, there I was, sitting so relaxed among all the tensed souls in my class, just whiling away time and being carefree about what's yet to come. As we all were informed to move to our respective halls at an announced time, I was busy talking to my group when I suddenly saw a familiar face at a distance. Since there wasn't much time, I didn't have another chance to take a look and recognize who she was.

After the exam, that evening I got onto my social site and searched for who I thought I had seen and out of sheer luck I found who she was and was absolutely flabbergasted to see that she was my friend on that site and to top it off, we had a couple of mutual friends as well. What stunned me was that despite being friends for so long, not once had we spoken and out of blue we ended up seeing each other in school.
The very next day I went up and spoke to her and told her about us being friends from ages over the internet but spoke for the very first time that day. She laughed listening to it and introduced herself. The moment I heard her cute kid-like voice, which was just too adorable to ignore, her name had just sugar coated her voice more. She's Aduu. That was it; I had gotten reeled into what I was running from, like bait waiting for a fish to come at it. Not once did I think about what I was getting myself into all over again, even after going through all that I had been through, I managed to entangle myself with the same problems and struggles that haunted me in the past but were more spiteful and wounding that awaited me in future.

During boards, we spent more time with each other than we did with our books. We then got into relationship because mutual feelings had grown in us both for each other. We spent time every day before our exam and spoke after too. Finally, boards had come to an end and I decided to call her home so that we could get to know each other and our likes, dislikes and also understood each other's commitments and what we both wanted from life. She then came and stayed over for a couple of days. We became really close during this time and after which we kept meeting very often.
A couple of months later, because of certain circumstances, she had to go and start a fresh in a new city all together which eventually meant us living apart and not seeing each other for quite a long time. It was very hard for the both of us but we had promised to always stay in touch and meet every time she came down to visit.

After she left first couple of days we hadn't spoken via text or voice call because she was busy with settling in and getting to know the city and its people so I kept myself busy and knew that she would reply to my messages when she gets time. But to see, days had gone by, weeks went by and slowly to see even a couple of months went by without talking. That's when I really got worried and kept trying to get some news about her. And finally one fine day she answered by call.
The first thing that came to my mind and out my mouth was, "Where in the world had you vanished? Do you have any idea how worried I was and the kind of thoughts I had??" and the only thing she said to that was "Oh! Hi! How are you? I'm fine why did you have to worry about me?"
After listening to this, I was completely speechless and asked her if she was fooling around with me but she wasn't. She spoke to me like it was the first time she ever spoke to me. That one conversation through me all the back down where I most feared to be at and never again did I want to end up there. The last thing she ever said to me when I asked her what about us and our relationship was, "When were we even in a relationship in the first place?" These words broke my heart into the smallest of pieces which could never possibly be fixed the way it was ever again. What I never wanted to feel, the place and situation where I never wanted to be, I found myself standing right in the middle of it which felt nothing like nothing less than a carnage war zone. With this emotional hit, I nearly thought I would lose what was left of me. But my friends held me up to have some hope and faith. Infatuation isn't equivalent to the kind of feeling that love gives. And so I held on to what was left of me because I knew there's always someone out there for everyone and so seized the faith I had in love and went on to look for that someone who was waiting just for me.