"I'm Fine"

Suicide Attempt

22 days before the suicide

He grabbed my arm and pulled me up. I gave up on the fighting part a while ago.

"Listen. I know your not okay. And that's fine, but you don't have to go around killing yourself! You have people that care, and people that would blame themselves if you died." He said with a small smile.

I shoved passed him. "Why did you stop me." I said softly.

"Because I was, I am in this situation. And it hurts to see someone else in it too." He said sadly.

"Why did you come?" I said, that fact suddenly dawning on me. He must have snuck out too.
"I saw you sneak out. So I, the curious person I am, followed you."

"We should... Get back then..." I said with a small smile. I opened the door and exited the rooftop. He followed.

"You know what? Let's not go back, not yet at least. Let's have a good time tonight." He said hopefully.

This is ridiculous. This is insanely stupid. But you know what? I don't give a flying rats ass anymore. I'm going to have some fun.

"What the hell, let's go."
-
We walked into the voodoo shop. This should be fun.I sarcastically thought.

On the walls were posters, voodoo dolls, spell books, and even a Devils trap. On the far back was a stand. We walked over to see ouija boards. We took one and sat down on the rug with a pentagon with symbols woven into it.
"Are you scared yet?" He said to me in an evil tone.

"Totally" I said with sarcasm.

We put our fingers on the piece. "Is anyone here?" He said grinning.
My heart started to pound.

The piece stared to move to yes.

"Who are you?" He said, still grinning.

The thing moved to I then T then S then P I E R C E.
Oh. My. Fuck. I fell for that. "Oh you son of a bitch" I said laughing. He started to go into hysterics. I sat there biting the inside of my lip, trying not to spout curses at him.

"Shut up!" I said.
He started to make ghost sounds like 'ooo' and I just had to laugh. Here we were, sitting in a Voodoo shop, laughing out asses off. And when I met him... I would never have expected this.

"If you keep laughing the ghosts will never hear us!" A young but mature looking girl said. She was with 5 others, and it looked like they were doing Voodoo or something like that.

We both started to laugh even harder at that. He put his hand over his mouth, trying to muffle the laughs. And then suddenly I froze.

His wrist...

Fresh cuts. Fresh fucking cuts. I stared wide eyed at his wrist. I don't mean a day old, I mean hours old...

And of course, he noticed my sudden change in mood and expression. He stopped laughing too and pulled his sleeve down. He looked down. I couldn't look away.

"What." He spat.
"How did you even get ahold of a- a razor?" I said In a small voice.

Without speaking, he pulled a shaving razor head out of his pocket.
"Oh..." I said. I shouldn't be this surprised I guess, I've seen it all before. Maybe it's because it's with him... I don't really know for sure.

He got up and started to walk away, and I walked with him.

We walked down the alleyway in silence. We've been gone about 3 hours so far.
The sense went on for a while until he broke it.
"I understand why you want to die. I really do. Life's a bitch, and it fucks us all, so why not, right? But no... It's not something you can ever just rethink. After you walk off that building, swallow those pills, pull trigger, whatever, it's over. Your done."

I had no words. Tears started to fall down to cheeks. Damn, I'm glad he can't see me in the dark.
"But you won't be able to live to regret it." I said, tying my best to sound okay.
"But what if you do? Then what? You'll be known as the Suicidal Freak. Do you really want that?"
"But I'd make sure that I wouldn't live to regret it, so." I said.

He took a deep breathe.
"Have you ever lost someone close to you?" He said.

"Yes."

"Did it hurt?"

"Yes."

"Would you ever want anyone else to feel that pain?"

"No."

"Then that's a reason to stay alive."