An this is my most personal chapter this is my life and How I remember it I'm sending it to "Anna" in trying to move on. I hope you like it Anna and readers. Thank you for a thousand reads
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I didn't know what to do. I didn't mean to actually say it out loud "do it! Tell him he needs to know about her" my Brain screamed
"Tell me what" jay said with a concerned look on his face. no going back now
"Jay" I said in an unsure tone. He must have noticed because his face shifted to an understanding look.
" in middle school I fell in love. Seventh grade" I paused. Jay quietly and patiently waited her face ran through my mind. " Anna. I fell for her hard. We had actually known eachother since 4th grade but that year." I took a deep breath fighting back tears to continue.
"Seventh grade we grew close tho. I had started cutting that year also, because of this roomer started by Bethany. Bethany hated me and would do anything to make me suffer. I honestly don't know why I started but I did. Whatever the reason it was stupid and not worth it."
Jay put his hand on my knee making tears fall. That was how she did it.
She Tryed to help me stop I should have listened why I didn't I'll never know. She asked for my email first then my phone number. I stayed after school One day and only I and Bethany were there. Bethany was her friend. Trying to take advantage of this I asked her why she would do this. Beths response was simple. "She probably likes you."
Jay put his hand on mine and I turn to him. I must have been crying because he wiped my face with his thumb I continued
" later around 630 I texted her and told me to call me at midnight. She said she would be asleep. We settled for 10. "
Do you like like me? I found my self pressing send. I soon reserved a yes wbu? I sent a heart. "What?" She replied minutes later. " do you know what a heart is" I asked "an organ" her answer got me to smile at the time but it only made me aware that more tears were flowing. I like you I soon said then I asked her out. I was myself , stupid, insecure, reckless. I messed up everything in a weekend
Admitting it to myself made me sob harder. It made me wanna go inside and bleed but I couldn't why would I? it won't help. It's on the past.
I moved schools not long after. On my last day I became drift master. At memory of this I began to laugh. It wasn't a real laugh. It was if I wanted to ease the tension. It's as if I didn't wanna realize I'm dying waiting for my body to catch up with my heart
I Left I thought of her every day. She was my world and I was in space.
One day my mom messed up her phone somehow she got Anna's old number. It was easy to after that I wouldn't miss the chance it would kill me to I would rather die she was my world.
I sent the text
"hey it's Sam"
"What do you want"she replied
It got better form there it was great for a while around a year and a half. Then it stopped. Everything stopped. I loved her I didn't want her to be without her I couldn't. I was me annoying and pathetic. After a while I tried to get rid of my feelings for her. I tried conventional methods moving on music cutting out what reminded me of her. No luck. I went more dangerous ways also drugs alchahol cutting. Those were stupid ideas but I had to try. I decided to change I changed my attitude my stile my perspective my everything. I thought I changed well. Jokes on me tho I messed up to much she didn't wanna get hurt again I don't blame her ether I just don't wanna except it.
A while ago I texted her. This is what she told me "I am never going to talk to you again. Stop calling, stop texting. It's not going to happen. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. Leave me alone."
I have to get over her. I know I do I just don't want to. And I hate myself. She was perfect and I ruined it. no matter how much I try I can't forgive myself for destroying the best thing that ever happened to me. I ruined my life way before it started and I hate myself for it
Jay kissed me head then went inside I was alone.
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An sorry it was short it was an emotional struggle to get threw this chapter hope you guy liked it tho
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