Choices

25

Monique Pov

When I woke up, it was 11:38 pm. Amina was gone; good. I can finally be alone to my thoughts. I was hungry so I went to get something to eat. When I past by my mom's room, I noticed she was sleep just like always after work.

I didn't really feel like eating any real food so I just got 3 small bags of chips, 4 chocolate cupcakes and 2 cans of cola. After eating that, I felt disgusted that I just consumed all them fatty foods. Just like me to eat junk when I'm sad, or anytime really, which explains why I'm so fat now. There's only one way to get this food out, now.

I went to the powder room and kneeled in front of the toilet. I tied my hair in a ponytail with a hair tie I keep around my wrist. I took a deep breathe before putting a finger in the back of my throat, and regurgitating everything I just ate.

I got a headache instantly after. I cleaned up and went back upstairs and into that bathroom to get some Advil. I take the pill with some of the tap water. I walk back to my room. Sitting crisscrossed on my bed, I just stare at a wall.

If only I didn't ask him to come over that day, he would still be alive. If only I could've told him how I felt about him one last time, so there would be no doubt. If only I could feel the touch of his lips against mine once more. If only I could feel the warmth of his body hugging me.

Why can't this be a nightmare that I'll wake up from? He was young, didn't even get the chance to graduate from high school. It's not even fair. I lay face down, scream into a pillow and throw a tantrum gradually slowing down until the screams turned to cries.

When I found myself unable to cry anymore, I thought about the stash of weed that Rick had gave to me like a week or so back. I went into my closet getting a small shoe box, at the bottom where I hid my it amongst my shoes.

I thank Rick for already rolling some for me because I didn't have the patience right now to roll them myself. I took one out with a lighter. I went into my bathroom and got a couple towels and stuffing them under the door of my room to prevent the smoke from traveling to my mom's room.

She doesn't know that I smoke. So I know she wouldn't approve. Her being a nurse and all, she wants to take all precautions with me.

I open the window and drag my recliner to it. I take a seat and light it up. Taking long drags, I feel the high rising with each one. Feeling all my stress and sadness fading away making me feel content. Even though I knew that when this high wears off, all the stress and feelings I've been suppressing will come back, I didn't care.

When I finished the blunt, I was tempted to smoke another, but decided against it since I would need some for later. Also I got school in a couple hours, I don't want to be too faded.

*knock knock* " Mo, sweetie open the door.

Oh shit, umm think, think of something she can't find out I was just smoking.

"Uhh hold on, I'm in the bathroom." I lied.

I stealthily went into my bathroom got a towel and wet it without making too much noise with the faucet. I twisted it to get the excess water out and waved the dampened towel in the air as if it were a flag to capture the smoke. A simple trick I learned online.

I threw it under the sink when the smoke was clear. I got my eye drops and put them in my eye because they were as red as a fire truck. I got some mouthwash and swished it around to relieve my breath of weed. I flushed the toilet and turn on the faucet, while I tiptoed to the door to get the towels which I just threw in my closet. I turn the faucet off and sprayed some air freshener.