SHOW ME HOW

Chapter 15

I jolted awake, gasping for breath, shaken by one of the most terrifying nightmares I've had in ages. Sweat clung to my skin as I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand while trying to sit up and catch my breath to calm the wild thumping of my heart.

It felt like the walls was busy caving in on me as something heavy was pressing down on my chest and I had to get out of this room.

I grabbed my phone from the bedside table and made my way downstairs to find solace on the back porch that has been my refuge for many years.

I subconsciously wrapped the throw blanket around myself and curled up into a ball with my knees against my chest on the couch. I was looking for a semblance of comfort in it, while staring into the darkness of the swaying tree line, bordering our backyard.

The crisp air caressed my face, a sharp, grounding contrast to the thoughts swirling in my mind as the tears flowed from my soul through my eyes.

I dreamt I was at my funeral, being buried as the earth greedily swallowed my casket with me inside.

I felt helpless, but maybe that's how I always felt...

In the end, mom and Eli, who were the only people present, eventually walked away, abandoning me to the suffocating darkness, the filth and the cold, left to decay, to be forgotten, to become a mere memory of what I once was.

My conscience had a habit of playing these tricks on me, scaring me with these dreams and I knew it, but I still allowed for it to get to me. Making me feel depressed and sad.

I was sniffling and crying my heart out when my thoughts were interrupted by footsteps coming from the kitchen towards the half open back door, and that's when I realized that I had forgotten about the guest I had over.

I wanted to hide my tears and the vulnerable state I was in, but I was too powerless to control my emotions. In reality, I just didn't care that he saw me in this state.

Wordlessly he made his way towards me, sat beside me and pulled me into the side of his chest. He was holding me tight without saying anything and I had a deep appreciation for his silence in the moment.

After a while, when my crying stopped, he broke his silence.

"Want to talk about it?" Lorenzo asked gently, while stroking up and down my one arm.

"It was just a bad dream" I murmured, after clearing my throat.

"Tell me about it?"

"Maybe some other time" I said, briefly glancing up at him, who was already staring down at me. I just wasn't in the right headspace.

I glanced the other way, sneakily wiping the wetness from my cheeks with the palms of my hands while still in his comforting arms.

I tried to pull away from him after realizing in what awkward position we were in, but he pulled me back into his embrace, making my heart flutter at the gesture.

"Why are you outside, alone in the dark?".

"I couldn't sleep after that nightmare. How are you feeling?" I deflected, steering the conversation away from me, once again, like I always do.

"Dehydrated, I came downstairs for some water, but I saw the door halfway open. I wanted to investigate why and then I saw you sitting here".

"The fridge, help yourself" I gestured towards the fridge in the kitchen he just walked past.

"Thanks," he murmured, clearing his throat and absently rubbing the back of his neck as he released me from his hold, got up and made his way towards the fridge. When he returned, he settled beside me again, our shoulders touching, like we were old friends rather than recent acquaintances.