SHOW ME HOW

Chapter 3

You can have a thousand problems in life, until you have a health problem. Then you will only have one problem. Good health is like a crown only the sick can see...

School started last week, but I was too sick to attend. I had a chest infection that made me feel like I was about to die a few times. I had to stay in hospital for a few more days and missed out on seeing Elijah off at the airport. He clearly didn't want to leave, but mom promised to keep him updated on everything that happened this side.

He spent his last few days with me in hospital, refusing to leave while mom worked. Mom can't afford not to work. Ben popped in a few times as well. Poor guy, he was really concerned was about me. He had a huge smile on his face when he saw me awake.

I have to go for weekly testing to see if the last chemo worked. I hope for my mother's sake that it worked. I gave up hope a long time ago. I'm only doing this for my brother and her. They already lost too much, but if death should come knocking at my door, I wouldn't be the one to refuse it entry.

Cruel? I know, but I feel dead inside. I am the reason for the sadness in my mother's eyes. I am the reason my brother lived in constant fear of losing his only sibling, that he cried like a baby on the day he had to leave. I'm the reason for all the pain and hardship the people I love so dearly had to experience.

This disease, has put my family through hell, and I would rather die than continue putting them through this hell any further than necessary. They will get over my death, slowly, but surely. Time will heal all wounds eventually.

Giving up doesn't mean I'm weak, it means I am strong enough to let go, or so I believe.

"Morning Sweetheart, how did you sleep?" mom asked, as I placed my bookbag on the kitchen counter.

"Good and you?" I asked, not looking in her direction. I double checked that all outstanding homework was in my bag for the third time to avoid her stare.

"Good, good. Here, I made you some oats" mom said, placing a bowl in front of me.

"I packed your school lunch and something to snack on during the day. Please don't forget to eat and take your meds lunch time. Your teachers are already aware that there might be instances where you have to head to the bathroom, so make use of it when you feel like you need a break" mom rambled. I gave nod, but she probably didn't see me respond while she was busy packing her lunch.

"Did you listen to what I said, Devin" Mom asked again, making me briefly look at her face. She sure does a good job at covering those dark circles. Her make-up looked impeccable.

"Yes, mom" I said, following it up with a nod again. I swiftly re-focused my eyes on my bowl again. I slowly ate the porridge to satisfy her soul even though I wasn't hungry.

I decided to put on a white Nike t-shirt with the print on the front and a pair of black skinny jeans with my Nike sneakers.

"If you feel sick, please don't hesitate to let me know and I will come get you, ok?" Mom asked, lifting my face so that I could face her.

"Yes, mom"

"Good. On Friday, I'll come get you early from school. You have to go for your tests. Don't forget" she reminded.

Mom dropped me at school a little early. She had to be at work, luckily a lot of kids were already at school, so I was not alone. I walked past everyone that was standing around as they gossiped about who made out with whom and recounting the fun they had over the weekend. I made my way towards my locker and took my required books and homework for first and second periods.

When I don't have massive headaches, I love listening to either Deep house, Phonk or Techno music, depending on my mood. This morning, I decided to ease my eardrums into some techno as I placed my air pods in my ears and let the music transport me to another universe for a little while.