Holy shit I have a lot of friends that cut. I also have a lot of friends that are depressed. I thought it was just in the eyes, but no even the happiest people that I know do it. And honestly I am so mad at myself for letting it slip by. Why, why don't I want to believe it. I want it to be a dream. I want the last 7 years of my life to be a dream. Sadly i'm heartbroken to find this out, but when I ask them why, they say there moms. And I never know quite what else to say. The only thing I've ever really said was I know how you feel. And, honestly I should be able to say much more, but I did once to a friend who wouldn't even clean the cuts. And now I don't wanna have to go to school, because the people that I've told are the same people that do it themselves. They don't know that I'm as depressed as I am, but thats ok. But, now every time I see any of them, I feel as if i'm being judged, even though they do it too. And, there is this one boy that I told. And, he always knows when I do cut. He was actually the first person that I told I cut to. And, every time I dont look ok, or my kik name\picture says something bad he'll always ask me if I'm ok, when no one else does or even cares to acknowledge it, but never in person. We have the same homeroom this year, and every time I walk in, he stops what he's doing, and just looks at me. We've never really talked in person. But we know alot about each other I think. I mean I know that he cuts too, he's emo\scene too, and that he's sexy af. But, I wouldn't say that I like him, I mean I used to like last school year, but he's told me he likes me, but also not in person. And the thing is, is that he always finds some stupid way to make my day better or make me laugh for a split second, and the best part about it is that my happiness and laughter is real. But, I probably wouldn't date him. I don't know why I wouldn't, but I just wouldn't, and it's also impossible because he ALWAYS has a girlfriend. But back to my friends, I want to help I really really do, but I get caught up and wanna cry every time. So, I can never really tell them it's ok or it'll be ok till like the next class peroid. Because, I'm stuck stressing over how I could let it happen, as if it were my falut, and it kind of is, because if I'd known sooner I could've made it all better like I always do. But, the saddest part about all that, is that I'm still left feeling like complete and utter shit. I shouldn't feel that way but I just do and I can't explain it. I just might be mentality ill. I'm always everyone's cheerleader, but I'm just the little bench warmer that no one cares about.
