It's awesome when your not sad all the time.
But the you realize it's only because of pills.
You're happy when you haven't cut in months.
Then you realize it's only because you don't have any blades.
You're happy when you have friends and smile.
But it's sad when you realize that its all fake at the end of the day.
You say your getting better.
Then you realize that at the end of everyday in the back of you mind you wanna cut.
You're happy when you can sleep at night.
Then you realize it's only because you're to tired to do anything else.
You happy when you think you look pretty.
Then you realize everyone is staring and looking and judging.
You're happy when your scars start to fade.
Then you realize that it's only your imagination.
You happy when you're starting to loose weight.
Then you realize it's because you're not eating.
You're happy when you have friends.
Then you realize they don't really like you.
You're happy when your anxiety goes away.
Then you realize how bad it is when it hits you out of nowhere.
You're happy when you start to get better.
The you have the saddest realization of all and it's that you're worst than you've ever been before.
