Generations Expectation's | 8th member of BTS

63

Jungkook's POV

I froze where I stood, on the landing outside her door, listening to the soft, broken sounds through the wood. The muffled, uneven breaths and the wet little hiccup of someone who's been crying too long. The house was too quiet otherwise... Even the city felt like it was holding its breath. Every instinct in me screamed to turn, to knock, to throw the door open and wrap her in my arms until the shaking stopped. But my feet wouldn't take that step. My body felt like it belonged to someone else, clumsy, traitorous.

She was crying because of me. Because of what we'd done tonight. Because I'd been the one to pull back.

I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor, knees hugged to my chest, staring at the blank hallway. The porch light cast a weak rectangle on the floorboards. There was only so much I could focus on as I listened to my best friend's heart breaking. I let my head fall back and closed my eyes, trying to breathe through the ache of my decisions. Regret pressed at my ribs so hard it felt like I couldn't inhale.

I kept replaying the whole stupid, beautiful, dangerous mess in my head.
Her lips, god her lips...they are just as soft as imagined all these years...
The way she'd leaned into me like she'd been waiting forever. The way the world had gone quiet the second I met her in that dingy dorm room so long ago. I'd meant every second of tonight with her, and when I'd said I was sorry... I hadn't meant it the way she thought I did. I'd meant it as a shield, a clumsy, selfish attempt to put a wall between what my heart wanted and what I believed I had to do for everyone else. I thought I could protect her by pushing her away, by pretending the kiss was a mistake.
A mistake where one of us was bound to get hurt. 

Now listening to her cry through the door, every cowardly reason I'd made for myself sounded hollow.

I picked myself up and shuffled down the hall, feet dragging, until I collapsed onto the sofa in the dim living room. The cushions swallowed me. The hum of the refrigerator from the kitchen was the loudest sound. I wanted to close my eyes and sleep and wake up in a world where I hadn't hurt her. But sleep wouldn't come. My head throbbed with the weight of a dozen impossible choices. I sat there, letting the dark fold over me, trying to sort the mess out in my mind.

Then my hand found my phone.

The screen lit the interior of my palm like a small moon. My thumb hovered, then slid, because avoiding it would be cowardice too. The anonymous message had come through late tonight, a little after Ae Cha and I reentered the venue. I'd thought about turning the phone off, throwing it away, but some stupid, stubborn part of me needed to see exactly what the person wanted.

The message preview showed a small, obscene thumbnail. I opened it.

The photo was of me and Ae Cha. Not one of those staged, promotional shots from interviews...nope, this was a real, intimate photo. An angle from a distance, likely from the trees that surrounded us.
The camera had caught us kissing at the wedding. 

Below the image, in blunt text, the message read: Pay up by tomorrow morning or this goes everywhere. 00-0180-02901. Don't test us.

A slow, cold rage settled over my chest, mingled with a new kind of fear that had nothing to do with getting caught on stage or losing a show. This was personal. This was the thing that held me back in the first place. Exposure. The word settled heavy in my chest, ugly and sharp. Ae Cha had fought for every inch of ground she stood on. Being the only woman in the group meant there was always an extra set of eyes on her. Scrutinizing, waiting, daring her to slip. She was pushed harder, judged harsher, and forgiven less than the rest of us. Every move she made was dissected, twisted, and weighed against standards none of us were ever held to. One misstep was all it would take, and they'd tear her apart for it.
I'd known that. Hell i've always known that even before she may have. That was why I'd kept my mouth shut for so long. Why I'd swallowed years of feelings and convinced myself silence was protection. Because loving her out loud....wanting her... it wasn't just about me. It could ruin her. It could give the world exactly what it had been waiting for.