Alone (A Joe Sugg Fanfiction)

Lily Sugg...

(A few days later)

JOE'S POV

I could see that Amber was out of energy but trying to stay strong, we visited the hospital every day but nothing ever seemed to be progressing. I started to worry that she would never be better, what if we lost her. Despite the rough road that we came through during the pregnancy it was clear that we both loved our little girl so much. Amber seemed to be fine during the days but every night she would cry for hours on end, she thinks that I am asleep when she cries but I hear her every night. I also know that she is blaming herself for all of this I try to tell her that it isn't her fault but she won't have it and I'm scared she will cut herself over all of this. I'm scared...

We have really supportive friends which is the most amazing thing, Zoe is always there for us and even my Sugglets are supportive when I can't upload a video, I loved all of my Sugglets!

AMBER'S POV

Joe couldn't be more supportive but I didn't understand how he could bare to look at me I was the one who caused this. I hated myself and I felt like I needed to pay for what I had done. Without me my little girl would be home right now in her daddy's arms and we would be blessed. Why did I drink that one night? I ruined everything... I made Joe go and buy some groceries, we didn't need any but I needed to hurt myself and I couldn't do that with him around. As soon as he left the apartment I ran to my room where I had a shard of glass I put it to my skin and blood started to pour. I cried because I didn't want to do this but I had to for my little girl. I heard the door open Joe must be back already I ran to my door and locked it and continued to cut... I heard Joe's footsteps coming to the door, 'Love? What's going on in there?' He sounded very concerned like he already knew what was going on.

'This doesn't concern you Joe okay? Just leave before you get hurt'

'Either you open this door now or I break it down..' I could hear his voice getting shaky from tears. With this it was clear that I had no choice but to let him in. I slowly walked towards the door and unlocked it blood still pouring from my wrists. The minute he walked in and saw he dropped to the floor and just collapsed in front of me. I didn't know what to say to him so I just left the room and went for a walk still crying. Where did it all go wrong? We were fine everything was getting better... I constantly had these voices in my head telling me that I was worthless and that it was all my fault. The voices felt like really people were talking to me which worried and upset me more. I couldn't cope with this pain anymore. By this time I had walked to a bridge, do I jump now? 'Do it' the voices in my head were saying, 'leave Joe he'd be so much better off without you, you're pathetic and worthless'. I put one foot over the ledge of the the bridge preparing for the jump...

'STOP!' I heard a voice crying behind me, 'please don't do this, I know things are tough now but don't throw it all away please, I'm begging you. I need you, your daughter needs you' without turning around I could tell that it was Joe. 'B-but I'm worthless, you would be better without me-'

'No! I wouldn't listen to yourself, you're my everything...'

'I don't belong with you, I don't even belong here...' he ran over to me and pulled me to the safe side of the bridge and cradled me like a baby while I cried, he repeatedly kissed me on the forehead telling me that I was safe now. I was going through a breakdown and I knew it. 

(A few months later)

JOE'S POV

That day keeps circling around in my head, I almost lost her. I would never forget that I haven't been able to sleep properly since I woke up continuously during the night to check that she was still there beside me I was so scared of losing her now.

We heard some good news from the hospital though! We were allowed to take Lily home today because she had significantly improved so now I got to hold my girl for the first time ever and I was so excited. Amber was too because now she didn't feel so guilty about it all and she was slowly getting better. How long would this last?