Out There Somewhere

My Life

My Mother was a mother before she met Ron Mack. A man of "swagger" as she said. Ron wasn't so nice to me really even before he began to beat up mother. He gave her alcohol every day to celebrate everything. Anything as in birthdays, sex, no sex, death of good guy, death of a bad guy,----any thing!
I felt like an outcast all of the time because while my Mother was drunk off her rocker and he was abusing drugs I hid away in my closet scared to death of their violent nature. And the first time I ever saw him hit Mother was when I was 10. He had her pin down after a night of partying. According to Ron she was with a man who had a limp so to teach her a lesson he slapped her and she lashed out so he pinned her down (in which i walked in on) as mother was hitting him yelling, "Get off you fucker!" So he slapped her hard.
"Mama!" I yelled.
He pointed at me and told me to shut up or else and went right back to beating Mother senseless. I was small and tried to jump on him to make him stop. He pushed me off making me hit the wall. He kept hitting her until her nose bleed and she almost had two black eyes. He got up exhausted beer in hand. That was the day I knew he had to go. But mother saw something different some how. She forgave him all the time. Even turned a blind eye when he began interest with me. I was afraid to even bathe. I would just sit there in the bathroom with the door closed as he jiggled the door knob and punched the door constantly in drunken state and when he would leave I would run water from the sink and quickly scrub down and sneak out quickly wearing wet clothes since I didn't have enough time to dry off. He'll be at my door looking at me. I was always uncomfortable around him. I had no sanctuary away from the abuse.
School isn't no different. Since I'm dirt poor I wear Mother's old clothes from middle school and I'm in highschool, my shoes would have tears in them, my hair always in a ponytail or a braid, I'm so skinny a boy lifted me up and swung me around until I had to puke. I would walk in to a class and all eyes would be on me and i would recieve smart remarks like "My mom has the same shirt" or "Something smells like onions". I've learned to hide from it all by keeping to my self, working on my own, never using the bathroom with the other girls in it, leaving class late and arriving before the bell, i never ate breakfast or lunch in the cafeteria but in a bathroom stall.
Well my life is horrible but i have to deal with it. Hell I guess Iwats the best to deal with this life. Other people would've ran away or commited suicide but mother needs me. End of story. I can't just leave her. She'll die on her own and if I try to get help I'll be sent away from her.

***

Breakfast today was the usual, anything I had snuck out of school the day before. Today was a cold grilled cheese sandwich, and warm orange juice (but on weekends I have a stash hidden of PB and J bars,I live off those things)
Mother was up with a massive headache. She had visible scars and bruises. Unlike other teens I can't wait until she's in a good mood because that doesn't exist in my world. So I just ask her, "You hungry mama?"
She sighs and closes her eyes. "Did Ron eat yet?"
Unable to lie to her I say, "No."
"Then no. I gotta wait."
There are days where I just want to shake her but I'm sure he does enough of that.
Then the Devil himself walks in. He kisses mother force fully and patted my shoulder before getting a beer. He recked so badly but hell the whole house smelled like wet dog and ciggerettes.
I sat down and took a bite of the cold cheese and somewhat soggy bread. I've learned to digest it quickly even though I'll have a stomache ache for the rest of the day but it's all worth it since I'm eating something. I'm not sure about mother she drinks so much and takes so much pills she can't stomach anything. Ron finally ate something. Displeased with it he told Mother she couldn't eat today since it was so bad. She agreed.
I want to save my mother but I don't know how.