Out There Somewhere

Razors

Mother slept through the day thankfully. Ron was out with his friends drinking. I had just woke up that morning looking at the ceiling. I nearly cried when I woke up. His hands still on my skin roughly tearing my clothes and me a part. I roll over in bed still feeling the horrible ache in my pelvis. I wanted to puke as i had a migraine from crying.
How long can I cry?
When I'm dried out of tears I get up from my bed slowly feeling pain. I look down at my nightgown. Blood. Angry I rip my sheet off and threw it in a corner. I pulled at my hair crying frantically. I took two deep breaths before I could walk out of my room.
Mother's now awake coming out of her room. She has an apparent hang over as she clumsily comes into the kitchen to sit down. She puts her head down and rubs her head. "Claire sweetie?" She groans. I stand in the door way and manifest a fake smile.
"Yes mama?" I say to Mother. She looks up at me and smiles. It was a sad smile.
"Baby get me an aspirin please." I go to the bathroom kicking the Devil's dirty underwear to the side to get to the sink. I put four white pills on my palm. I take two of them and bring the other two to Mother. She now was standing over the sink, cold water rushing down as she heaved out chunks.
"Mama are you alright?" She nods and rinses her mouth out. She wipes her mouth with a cloth. I hand her the aspirins and cup of juice (from a juice carton I stole from school) and she happily gulped it down.
"I feel so sick. I need a drink."
God Mother can you be so damn stupid?!
"I don't know if you should. You should lay down mama." She groans.
"I gotta clean up. I gotta keep this house clean."
It's a disgusting old trailer no matter . . .
She stands up weakly and begins to do the dishes.
I open the refrigerator and see nothing. My stomach growls. "Mama there's no food."
She looks up then at me. "I'll ask Ron for some cash to get some things."
Starve or let Ron degrade her? Starve it is!
"No it's alright. Do you want me to help around the house?"
She smiles , a sweet sincere smile that made me think just for that moment she looked like the woman I use to call, Mama with joy in my voice. "Oh yes. You can go fix up my room if you want to. That's the one thing Ron hates to see dirty." I wanted to die when I heard his disgusting name.
"Sure thing mama."
Her room smells like him, cigarettes (his breath was on me...) , beer bottles on the floor (he tasted like beer so badly I wanted to puke), his dirty clothes where all over the floor (he left his underwear in my closet ), and the carpet had his mud stained boot prints (his hand prints on my thighs and....)
Why am I thinking of this?
I go to work on the room changing the sheets , picking up his stuff and Mother's, and swept up the room. I look at how clean it is checking for any mistake to save Mother from his wrath.
"You look nice in that baby girl." I turn around. My heart was beating so fast that I could die. "Hey don't be afraid."
I move back as he come close to me. "Ron I need to do my home work." I lower my head as I try to move pass him. His big hairy hand grabs my wrist.
"No forget school let me teach ya something else." He whispers it in to my ear so crudely I shiver with fear. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me near. "Let me take care of you..."
"Claire come take out the trash." I push away and run out to help.
" What is it mama?"
"The trash. Take it out please." I grab the black bag and run out with it wobbling a little due to it's weight. I dispose of it in the trash bin. I could see raccoons went to town on it. I stand there and watch the maggots crawl on to the bag. A tear comes down my cheek.
My eyes are red after I'm done relieving my feelings, i guess I should say. I hear my Mother screaming, "Ron I'm sorry!" I look in to the window and see him pulling at her hair. She's cowering in fear flinching. He was making a game of her fear. He raises up his fist and as he's about to punch her he lowered his massive fist and she flinches and he laughs. I feel horrible as I stand from the side lines and watch my Mother be manipulated by this man. I'm too weak though.
I move away from the window and go in side cautiously. By this time he was standing over her and she was getting up slowly. I make my way to my room. I lay down on my bed and feel around for it. I felt the sharp end. I pull it from under my bed. I slide it across thigh where he squeezed, the top of my breast carefully, then my wrist. Blood now stained the sheets.