Out There Somewhere

Text books and Cigarettes

My school wasn't as big as it looked on the school website and on the front page of our yearbooks. We had three floors and I'm guessing 200 and something rooms, three gyms (one for special needs, one for practice,and the other for gym class), a cafeteria, and stage down stairs. Well the school wasn't grand but they sure as hell made it seem that way. Prep rallies where like no other, cheerleaders stayed preppy until they were in the bathroom smoking some Marlboros and talking about how fat Dominique Danshaw is or how retarded Samantha Tucker is and foot ball players, soccer players, baseball players, volley ball players, basketball players, etc. acted like they ran the damn school.
And like all schools we had cliques, Jocks, preps, nerds who study hard, nerds who loved comics, mean girls, emos, loners, and pot heads. I was alone....not even a loner. Ironically the loners hung out together but not me I was alone. In a crowd of one.
The first day of school is full of phony smiles and happy-go-lucky teachers. I'm the only person who walks in sad. I'm the only person who still wears last years uniform and have to sit far from people so they won't smell me.
"Why hello?" Greeted our principal Mrs. Ford. She's a tall woman with a crooked nose, grey hair in a low bun, and circle lensed glasses.
We all walked in to the theatre being greeted. We had an hour long speech to listen to. The girls behind me Karly, Angel, and Tanasha were giggling. One pokes me.
"Yes?" I answered.
"Where did you get that shirt?" Karly asked.
"Um...." I bite my lip.
"Was it your my grandma's closet?"
They all laugh.
"Damn girl you look like my dead grandmother like bless her soul but damn girl."
I gulped and put my head down.
Just ignore. Just ignore. Just ignore.
"Ew and your hair is so greasy and smell like cat piss."
"Where the fuck you get those nasty ass shoes?"
It's ok. It's ok. It's ok.
Mrs Ford ends her speech. We had to leave each row at a time. When my row was choose I got up quickly holding my books. I walked slowly. The boy behind me hits my neck and tells me too hurry. I drop my books so fast they nearly flew. A girl in front of me turned around and glared.
"What is wrong with you,klutz?"
I bend down to pick it up.
"You're in the way!"
"I'm sorry...." I whisper.
I hear a sigh then the same boy who hit walks past me stepping on my papers. A girl behind him walks by and calls me a bitch.
Just ignore.
But I can't.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Please don't!
I wipe away a tear and walked out the other side. A teacher nearly stops me but I know how to ignore as best as I can. I can make a career out of it.

***

First period was small since most of the people snuck out or didn't come. I sat in the very back next to this jock who kept his shirt over his mouth and nose. I moved my chair away to maybe save him from my horrible smell.
Our first period teacher, Mr Tucker the geometry teacher had a bald spot and gray hair. He rolled around in his office chair holding a cup of coffee. He had smokers breath, a uni brow that looked pretty cool on him, he's a short man with big feet like a cartoon character,his outfit was a polo, khakis, and tennis shoes.
He went on to give us placement test. I was bad at making friends and protecting my mother (plus other things) but I was a master in academics. It was only two pages, front and back. I instantly went to work calculating using my calculator once and reviewing quickly. The jock next to me was confused. I knew what was going to come next. I got up and tried to quickly turn it in. Mr Tucker gave me a smokers smile. I sat back down and opened a book. I could feel the jock looking around like a caged animal. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow then sighed. He was ready to ask me the answers.
I took out my notebook and wrote down random letters and numbers trying to seem busy then drew a huge flower in detail.
"Hey um...."
I scratch my head as he tried to remember my name.
"Hey er....Clara."
It's Claire.
"Can you help me Carly."
Claire.....
"Uh I don't know...."
"Please." He smiled. He was handsome.
"I'm sorry no."
"Don't be a bitch please. Hey I'll hook you up with some new shoes."
Was he teasing me?
"I'm alright." We only had ten minutes left in class and it was only 6 questions long. I turn away biting my finger nails or what remains of some.
"Be that way whore." He turned in the blank paper.
I feared the worst and left the class before every one else. I raced to my locker and took out my stuff. I was planning on sneaking out the back door that was always open on the first week of school. I slammed my locker shut and pulled my hood over my head. I go under the stair well. The sound of students going up the stairs gave me fear. I heard his voice then a girl.
"Where is she?" The girl asked.
"I saw her go under there." He says. I bite my lip until I drew blood. I almost shake in fear.
They come closer. His strong cologne mixed with her perfume suffocates me a little. I look up and see them in front of me. He has a cheesy smile and she looks angry.
"Did you flirt with my boyfriend?"
"N-No." What?
"Don't lie slut! Did you flirt with him?"
"No I swear!" My heart races. I look at her then him then her again. "Please I didn't."
She gets closer and grabs my collar. "If I hear you did that again I will break you skank." She let's me go and walks off demanding him to come and like an obedient dog he does. I wipe away a tear and quickly leave out the building.

When I reach the trailer park I was whispering to my self, "Jesus Claire why are you so stupid!"
The door was open and Ron was sitting in his chair outside holding a beer bottle. I stop and look at him. He was sleeping. Mother was no where in sight. I walked to my room and locked my self in. I changed in to my nightgown and went to bed.
The smell of cigarette smoke woke me up. I was coughing so hard I had to touch my chest. I look around to Ron standing in my door way. I jump and pull the cover up over my nose and mouth. He comes closer and I move away. He sat on my bed and blows one more smoke cloud. I bite my tongue. His cold fingers touch my thigh though the covers.
"What do you want?" I ask.
He laughs. He was drunk. I wanted to scream but my voice was weak.

Mother came home from work tired but still did the house work. I spent my hours in my room crying.