(Some depression thing in here sorry *trigger warning*)
-Lizzie's POV-
"Listen to me Jc, I'm fine! Honestly!" I yell in the phone. Jc won't stop calling me, asking if I'm okay. I don't want to say I am, cause I'm not okay. See if it were anybody else, I would tell them the truth.
That a person still in slight depression is far from okay. The reason I say slight is because I'm feeling better. Still don't know why I'm here. But Jc has been the light in my darkness. He shows me the way to be happier. To be better then sitting in my room every night, not being able to breath. It reminded me that there somebody out there for everyone.
"Are you sure? You... You."
"I what Jc? What are you even doing? You are calling me every 15 minutes, asking me if I'm okay. It all started with that call when I told you my mom would pick Hazel up." I complained.
"Don't you remember anything else from that call... Shit I shouldn't have said that." He whispered away from the phone.
"What do you mean by that, we just talked about a couple things like how you were looking at photos and how you love me and I love you." I said. Jc was silent. It was almost as if he hung up, because I wish that he did.
"WHY THE FRICK WERE YOU LOOKING AT MY SCREENSHOTS?!?" I screamed in the phone.
"I-I had no idea-"
"Save it Jc, seriously. You can't look through someone's things without their permission! I-I still am the same person that I was! The depressed ugly slut that cut herself so she could release the pain from inside her."
"Lizzie, I want you to stop cutting okay? You need to be happy! I can help you be happy! You don't have to go through th-" I couldn't do it. I had to hang up on him.
You can't make someone not depressed. It's been only 5 months since I stop cutting. I needed more time before completely forgetting about it. I find myself heading towards the kitchen, getting something that'll have to do for now. But of course, Kian's in there making a sandwich.
"Hey Lizzie, Jc just texted me asking if you could give him a call, said its important." Kian told me.
"No. Tell him that it was wrong and... and..." I couldn't continue without tears starting to glide down my face. Kian dropped his knife that he was using to cut the watermelon with to comfort me. That's perfect. He hugged me and while he was saying that everything was okay and stupid shit like that, I carefully picked up the knife and put it behind me.
"Thanks Kian, but make sure to tell him that."
"Why don't you?" Kian whined. I roll my eyes and tell him that I'll text Jc in about 45 minutes because I have to take a shower. I turn around along with the knife, tears still flowing down my face.
The knife scraps my stomach when I hit it against a turn and relief hits me so fast. I hurry to the bathroom so I could start. To make it believable that I was taking a shower, I turned the water on to shower. Why does everybody think that my life is so perfect. It's not! Just because I'm somebody that's famous' sister doesn't mean that my life is perfect. My body feels numb as I slide to the floor.
The knifes blade slowly comes across my wrist when I realize that it would be much easier to spot then thighs. I pull my pants down to see a clean platè, never have used it before. The blade gets so close when the voices in my head start to talk to me.
"Come on, you are five months clean! You can do it!"
"Your such a slut, you deserve it. Put extra cuts from the time you wanted to but didn't!"
I decided that it had to be done, it feels so good! Feels like a puff of smoke that releases all the sadness inside me.
1. It wasn't that deep, I could go deeper. 2. It was deeper but not long enough. 3. This one is good. It's feels like the smoke won't stop coming out on the third one. 3 is enough for now, let's see what happens in the near future.
Hiding the knife was easy, it's the walking past Kian to get to my room was the hard part.
"Did you call him yet?" Kian suddenly said as I was almost past him.
"Just about to, I swear." I tell him. And as if just on que, my phone starts ringing.
"Lizzie! Thank god! I'm so so so so so so so sorry! I didn't mean to! It caught my attention, and I-"
" Jc I think it's best if we don't do this right now..." Silence. "Jc?"
"So you're breaking up with me? Is this actually what you're doing right now?"
"Listen Jc, I love you okay. But for right now you need to get your head out of your ass and get some information about depression. You can't just magically poof it away. I want you to find your way before you help me with mine and I both know we want that." Tears again are falling down my face.
"I don't know if I can, Lizzie, I need you and I love you. Without you, I feel broke, like I'm half of a whole. My hands will be so cold without you to warm them. My eyes will be lifeless without you to gaze in them. My heart will be as dark as a black hole. I don't know if I can do that. I need you. I love you. Words cannot describe how much I love you. You mean the world to me." *sniffle* "Elizabeth Josephine Lawley, I love you."
"J-Jc I'm sorry." I cried. "Give me time. And if you find another girl along the way, I'll be f-fine. I love you." Jc hung up. He hung up on me! I wasn't breaking up with him necessarily. I just wanted to go on a break. He needs to get himself sorted. With that I leave my phone and go to Kian. He jumped up when he saw me and came to hug me.
"What happened, little lawl? Did he break up with you?" Kian asked with a hint of anger in his voice. I shook my head in his shoulder because I knew his lower chest would hurt.
" I broke up with him." I sobbed. Kian's mouth opened up, gasping.
"Are you coming home tomorrow? Even if Jc is there?" he asked. I shook my head no.
"I'll find somewhere else to stay, I can't right now. I just can't."
XXXX
Ok quick a/n. I just started school again so that means I may not post as much as I do over the summer. I'm gonna try and focus on school a lot this year. But I will update every Saturday, and if I don't, yell at me.
Also, is anyone here good at smut? I suck at it hard.
Plz message me on wattpad if you're really good at it and can make it long bc I have no experience at all. PLZZZZZZ!!??
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