Lost in my own body

/Chapter 3\

I opened the music full blast while driving home "cos baby now we got bad blood! Hey!" I sang out aloud. I got a few weird looks when I stopped at the traffic light but hey, I've seen an old man listening to Justin Bieber at the bus stop I don't think it can get worst then that. I pulled into the drive way and quickly exited the car. For some reason I felt so energetic, probably after that little accident this morning. I flew up stairs not bothering to ask myself where my dad was. I hopped into the shower and put on my favourite spotify playlist. After about an hour long shower of constant Taylor swift music I got out and blow dried my hair. I threw my hair into a ponytail to get it out of my way while doing homework in my new comfy pyjamas. Very classy. Half way through writing my English essay I spotted a reflection in the mirror. It was a small brown box sitting on the corner of my bed. I got up from my desk and walked over. It was wrapped in a red bow. I untied the bow and opened the box. Nothing. It was just an empty box. I didn't remember buying it to wrap a gift. I don't have anyone to wrap a gift for besides Beth, her birthday isn't until November. I tipped the box upside to make sure I wasn't missing anything. I picked the ribbon up from my bed and tied it around my pony tail. "Cute" I said smiling to myself in the mirror, still unsure about where this mysterious box came from. I sat back down at my desk but this time pulled out my diary. I read through the lyrics I wrote with Beth. I began to finish the end of the song and added some bits and pieces here and there. I went down stairs to get myself something to snack on and heard my dad come through the door. "Hey dad". "Why are you home at this time, shouldn't you be at school?" He asked. "No I told you yesterday school was finishing early. You even signed a sheet about it. Don't you remember?" I don't know why I asked that question when it was clear he didn't remember. "Yes, yes I remember now." He said making it so clear that he was lying. He never really was good and lying, but I don't think he cares that I know. I'm used to him not paying attention to me. He went upstairs to his study like he always does. I'm not really sure what he does In there, there's a strict no entry policy so i don't dare to go in there. As I was making myself a plate of cookies and milk my dad came down with a very angry look on his face. He slammed my diary on the counter with the page opened to the song I wrote with Beth. "Do you think I was joking when I said this is not to be continued!" He yelled. "I'm sorry dad but I just can't stop writing, I love it." "Well than start writing more essays for English and don't waste your time on this rubbish!" He sounded much angrier than last time. He started to tear up the pages in my book one by one staring me in the eye. "DAD NO! Please don't, please!" I begged for him to stop but he just kept ripping the pages out. All of my feelings, thoughts, fears,everything was in that book. And now there was nothing. I felt like something from my heart was tearing apart every time he ripped out another page. "You can't do this dad! You don't own me! You don't care about me, you didn't care about mum. You don't deserve any say over what I do with my life!" He put the book down onto the counter and walked towards me slowly. I think I've done it it I thought to myself. I've convinced him to stop! He stopped infront of me. He slapped me across the face harder than ever and left me on the floor in pain. I got up on my feet staring into his eyes, tearing up. He grabbed my arm firmly "Never will you ever speak about your mother in this house again.EVER!" He yelled. He slapped me across the face again in the other direction leaving me on the floor in pain again. He picked up his keys from the counter top and walked out the front door slamming it shut behind him. I sat up and curled into a ball. I sat there for 10 minuets but it felt like a lifetime. I thought about how his voice was demanding as he said I should never talk about mum again. He never said that to me. If I ever brought my mum up he would tell me she was dead and not bother with her anymore. but this time it was different. Something had happened and I wasn't sure what but I was desperate to find out. I needed to learn why my dad was so serious about this. I stood up and walked over to my destroyed book. I didn't just see my lyrics teared up across the floor. I saw a part of my life, the only part that I had left from my mum teared up. All my thoughts from when she left, how I felt about leaving to find her someday. Everything was on the ground, but it wouldn't stay there. I walked up to my room and picked up the mysterious brown box I found in my room before and put all the torn pages and the remains of the diary inside. I took the ribbon out of my hair and tied it around the box sealing it shut. I jumped on my bike and placed the box into the basket and rode off towards the beach. When I arrived the beach was empty, no one was there. I left my bike near the rocks and took the box out of the bikes basket. I headed towards the sand and began to dig. I dug a hole deep enough for the box to fit inside and covered the top with more sand. I pulled out a little bit of the ribbon so I could find it easily if I ever needed it again. I walked towards the sea and sat there for hours. It felt like I was there for days. I was thinking about everything, why my mum left, how the box got there, why my dad was so strict about speaking about my mum. I even thought about why Beth wanted to start a new life here in LA. There was so many thoughts in my head that I felt lost. I felt lost in my own body.

After a long thinking session the sun started to set and the view was amazing. The reflection of the sea was sparkling a beautiful red colour. I stood up and and I was just about to text Beth if she could come over to my place as I was sure my dad wouldn't be coming home for the night, i saw a shadow behind me. I quickly turned around to see who it was. The boy I nearly ran over this morning. "So what makes you come here to think for hours deeply?" He asked. "How do you know I was here for hours? Are you stalking me? Do not make me have to call the cops!" I said in return. "I'm pretty sure your not the only person who has to get away from the real world for a while. Just to make sure you don't call the cops I'll introduce myself. My names Joe." "Well that's great to know but I really have to go Joe, bye". "You have been here for hours I think you have a minute to tell me your name too. Yes?" Joe said. "If you have a minute to apologise for this morning I'll have minute to introduce my self". I said very happy with my smart comeback. "Okay then I believe I've done nothing wrong but you attempted to murder me, so I'm a bit afraid of you now. So sorry for the inconvenience this morning, please forgive me." He replied with a sarcastic and smart ass tone to to his voice. "The names Cara, but as I said I actually do need to go, good bye Mr. Joe". "Oh come on I could have at least gotten your number hey?" He said. "I have a feeling we are going to meet again Joe. For now bye" I said smirking. I picked up my bike and rode off. As I was turning the corner I looked back and saw him staring at the ocean. He was a real dick but for some reason and I don't know why, he seemed like a good person.

I really liked writing this chapter because it shows how dedicated Cara really is to her music and how much it hurts for her to have to let go of it. I also loved giving the name Joe to the drummer boy because I was think about Joe Sugg while writing how he looked. Hope you liked this xx