Lost in my own body

/Prologue\

Everyone looks at me.. no not at me, down at me. They see me as someone who doesn't understand what normal is anymore. They think my mind, feelings, looks aren't irrelevant to anything thats normal. They decide who deserves to be known as someone important or pathetic. But I know what I am. I know who i am. Or at least I used to. People feel sorry for me but I don't want them to. My name is Cara and I'm lost in my own body. I'm lost in my thoughts. I'm lost in my surroundings. I'm lost in everywhere i am.

There's a small rocky beach that takes a 20 minute drive to get there from house. Me and my mum always used go there and spend time there together as a family. I say family because I don't consider my dad part of my family. He treated my mum like dirt, he didn't let her work, barely let her step outside the house and as for me, he beats me for every little thing I do. He doesn't understand me, I tell him I want to be a singer but he says that career path won't get me anywhere in life. The other day he found my diary/songwriting book and beat the hell out of me for wasting my time writing lyrics that won't ever come to life. Just like everyone else he looks down at me. So me and my mum would go to that little beach to feel free. My mum was my best friend, my only friend. I don't have any friends at school because apparently doing your homework on time and listening in class isn't considered "cool". Life with my mum was great... until this one day.

I asked my mum if I could go down to the water and look for shells and she said yes so I went down. I turned back to my mum to show her this beautiful shell that I found. She held it in her hands and said it was beautiful just like me. I went back to collect more and returned a short amount of time after but I couldn't see my mum. I waited for her to come back for a minute that then lead to an hour, then to a few months, to a year. It's been 3 years since my mum has left. I miss her.. My dad says that she's probably dead and doesn't even water up slightly while saying it. He says it so often that I now believe it too. Maybe she is dead. Maybe she just couldn't handle it anymore. Maybe she just wanted to let go and be free for more than a hour, and not return and be beaten for leaving the house. I'm going to be free too. One day I know that im going to leave this hell and find a new life with people that will love me. I'm going to stop being Cara the nerd, Cara the pathetic, Cara the loner. I'm going to be just Cara. I'm going to find myself in my body..

Haiiiii!! My names yaren and I've been reading books on wattpad for a while now. One of my closest friends introduced me to it and I thought since I love English I would publish a book too. I really hope you enjoy this, I've written chapter 1 and if people actually read this I'm going to start writing chapter 2 and 3 I have lots of ideas with this book so please share this around. Thankyou so much bye xx