It's my life...

The Monster Inside

Two weeks passed.  

Finally I heard from Milluki that mum[kikyo] was pregnant. I was happy that Alluka was going to be born. I told kil about how we could take care of the new baby and what name we could give him. "We can call him Alluka!" I said. "Yeah but, what if its a girl?" He asked. "Its okay, Alluka sounds feminine too, right?" Was my only explanation.

I had already started killing and going on missions on my own. I admit, I was a bit proud of myself. I had good relations with everyone in the family. I thought it would be the same for Alluka. 

But how wrong I was.

When Alluka was born, I couldn't even touch him. He was not at all himself, the Alluka I thought he is. I was afraid of Nanika. But kil liked him very much. 

Maybe he likes Alluka more than me... I felt a little jealous. 'Dammit Nana, you shouldn't be jealous of Alluka!' I said to myself. I knew that kil would not remember Alluka anymore.

But a voice inside me, that didn't sound like me at all said: Alluka will take kil away from you.

I shivered at the thought.

'Shut up. Who are you anyway?' I yelled at the sound. No reply.

Later that night, the voice started haunting me again. 

'Alluka will take kil away from you. You will be left alone. He won't even notice you anymore. You will disappear from his memories, Nana,' 

Shut up-

'No one will notice you-'

Just shut up-!!!

'They'll all forget you-'

Who are you-?

'You'll become history-'

"JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!" I screamed and ran. I don't know where. I just ran where ever my legs took me. 

"NO!! LAYLA, STOP!!!" That snapped me out of my thoughts. I gasped at what I was about to do right now. Kil had stopped me just in time.

I took a step back and climbed down the bed. Hot liquid flowed down my face. I tried to hold them back but in vain. I ran out of the room and outside the house, wondering if Kil and Alluka would ever forgive me. What I did was wrong. I was jealous of Alluka.

I looked up at the night sky. I felt the tears come up again. I sniffed and quickly wiped away my tears.

I had just tried to kill Alluka. I remembered the look Alluka gave me when I tried to kill him: He looked at me as if I was a monster in his nightmare.

Kil had looked at me with his eyes full of hatred.I hated that look. 

Then I heard footsteps behind me. I didn't even care to turn back, specially after what happened. I knew it was kil. What I expected him to do was to punch/kick/yell at me with all he had. Which he did.

That moment, I felt the hardest kick I ever felt in my life. Maybe it even broke some of my ribs. But I didn't even bother to cry out in pain. I just let out silent tears.

"You idiot!!" he said as he picked me up. "What do you think you were doing?!" He yelled. "I...don't know." I simply said. My voice sounded weird. It sounded more like the girl from The Border.

He tightened his grasp on my shoulders but then he let go of me and let me fall down. Then I was sure.

There's a monster inside of me.