Lost hope (Completed)

Chapter 18

(Emma's P.O.V)

Willow. Her coat softer than any horse's coat in the world. That's what makes her unique. That's why she's mine. We're both unique, the only reason we've been together this long.

Willow nudges my arm, reacting to my fixated brushing on her side. I release the pressure I was putting on her side.

I lightly rub her face. "Sorry girl." I apologize.

She leans into my hand in response.

I place my head to her's. "I could have saved Tyler, you know." I pause, trying to think. "Dutchess, she told me to use a protection power on Tyler. I just ignored her because I've never used that kind of power, there was no time to learn." tears falling down my cheeks, a knot forming in my throat. "It's my fault he's gone."

Willow raises her head to the entrance of the barn, my arms falling to the middle of her neck.

"You ignored your own wolf?" Axel standing between the doors. His face became distorted, trying to understand what I had done. 

My eyes start flooding with tears. I begin to brush Willow again. All my thoughts going back to my fight with Dutchess. She hasn't spoken to me since then, staying to the back of my head.

I drop the brush in the bucket, giving up with making her coat extra silky. Willows mane is now long enough to braid, her tail long enough to braid. I grab a comb out of the bucket and comb out the tangles.

"What are you do'n, Em?" he sighs, walking towards me and placing a hand on my the comb is in.

I wipe away the tears. "Attend'n the rodeo. Why else should I braid Willow's mane and tail? I just need to keep myself distracted, 'n be'n 'round you is only make'n it worse. Be'n 'round you is only a simple reminder that I failed to protect our son."

Hurt showed in his eyes. "But-"

"No, just leave me alone." I say as I shrug off his hand. I throw the comb in the bucket. I unhook Willow from the stall. Walking over to the door, I stop and turn my head slightly. My eyes stay fixated on Willow, "I'll see you tonight." I say before I start walking off again.

•~~~~~•

"Up next is...wow, Emma Parker! Return'n to the rodeo for the first time in ten years. Give a hand to her and Willow as they enter the barrels." the announcer spoke to the audience through the speakers. 

My face brightens as the crowd cheers for us. Excitement rushes throughout my body, ready to participate in my first event. I haven't been in the rodeo for ten years. When I was in the rodeo, we'd always participate in the more laid back speed events that was less harmful to the rider. We were always good at barrels, flags, stakes, and reigning. Every time we entered the ring, we'd beat our personal record. We never failed to succeed. It was always perfect.

Let's beat the world record, shall we? I say, in hopes to beat something more extreme.

Willow nods her head as she whinnies.

In eight seconds, the barrels are complete.

"And we have a new world record!"

The crowd cheering for joy. I can't believe we actually did that! 

I let a smile stretch across my face as we exit the ring. Getting off Willow at the gait surprises me. "Aunt Millie? Uncle Max? What are you two do'n here? I thought you were in Nashville for the year." I embraced them in a hug, the reins still in one of my hands.

"Your father told us what happened, 'n we're very sorry." uncle Max just puts a hand on her shoulder, reassuring her.

"How did you even know I was here?" ignoring aunt Millie's sympathy.

Uncle Max sighs heavily. "We stopped at the cabin think'n you'd be there, but when we got in, it was just Tre 'n Axel argue'n over somethin'." he shudders in horror. "There were papers everywhere."

"Axel told you I suppose?" angry that they had been arguing and making a mess in the process.

Aunt Millie nods.

"Little Maddie here? I wanna see her." I grasp Willow's reins tighter, hoping to hear the answer I look for. "I desperately need to talk to her." pushing out the last sentence before I got my answer.

"I figured you'd ask that, but she's back in Nashville."

I look back at aunt Millie with understanding eyes. "Well, I should go. Axel must be worried 'bout me 'bout now."

They both sadly smile, nodding their heads in agreement.

I nod, letting them know I'm off. 

•~~~~~•

As soon as I've cleared all the stairs, I shove the door wide open, not giving a world about the wolves I have in the cabin. I clench my stomach as pain courses through my body. I run to the bathroom, not even thinking about the door.

Throwing up is all I did for ten straight minutes until Axel came in and pulled back my hair. I threw up for another fifteen minutes. Axel looks like he could throw up himself.

"You alright?" Axel manages to speak.

I wipe my mouth with the towel that had been set out on the counter. "I thought it was just somethin' I ate earlier, but now that I think 'bout it, I don't think it is. I don't even think it's from all this stress from earlier ither."

I looked down at my stomach as I place my hand there. Why did you have to do this to me Axel? I can't bear a child while we're still looking for Tyler. Not even when I'm grieving over my own stupidity. 

"You don't mean you're-" I give him a cold stare, giving him the answer.

He just runs his fingers through his hair. "What are we go'n to do?" some of his hair stays pulled back when he rests his hand on his head. I giggle a little, not being able to handle the look.

A knock sounds at the door. "Everythin' alright?" Tre pops his head in after knocking on the door frame.

I clear my throat. "Yes, everythin' is perfectly fine." I say as I look to Axel and leave the bathroom.

I can't believe this is happening! I run down the hallway with tears in my eyes. Axel and Tre try to chase after me,  Abby just standing in my doorway.

After I enter my room, Abby shuts and locks the door behind her. "Emma, you okay?" she brings her head forward with a tilt.

"I-I think Axel got me..." I stutter, lost of words. "Pregnant," I say with my head down.

Abby walks closer to me and cups my face. "I'll help you get through this." she says, looking at me knowingly. "Axel will need to go out there and help find your son. Your brothers, Tre 'n I can stay here to keep you company. That's if you want it."

I take her hands away from my face. "Okay, I'll give you a solid answer in the morn'n." I walk to my walk-in closet and put on a clean pair of pajamas. "Can you let Axel in, I won't be able to sleep without him."

She smiles a little. "Yeah, I'll see you in the morn'n then." then Abby is gone and Axel's presence replaces Abby's absence.

I walk to the right side of the bed, my side, and get under the covers. Soon after, the bed moves under Axel's weight and he wraps his arms around me.

"You okay, Em?" his voice soft.

"I will be." I plainly state, not wanting to talk to him.

The rhythm of his heartbeat and his steady breaths were soothing, not soothing enough to sleep though. I'm still too mad at him for it.

I've always wanted more than one kid of my own, they just can't be so close in age. No less than a year. It's too soon to have a child in the growing process, especially after losing Tyler.

I read the clock on my nightstand and it reads 3:45am. Great, it's the next day and I haven't been able to sleep.

Axel's grip tightens around me. I guess I'll try to sleep.