Symphony of Shadows HTTYD Hiccstrid

72. Past

A/N: Merry Christmas Eve and Happy Holidays! This chapter is extra bittersweet:) I hope you're enjoying the holiday season! Next chapter is out next Wednesday at around 10pm.

The haze in Hiccup's mind thickened as he tried and failed to recognize the woman in the doorway of the room. She looked distraught, like she couldn't choose between feeling joy or anguish. Clearly she had been worried over his severe state, but for what reason he didn't know.

"Should I know you?"

The question emanated uncertainty and even Astrid shifted in wariness of the answer. Did she know something he didn't?

There was a strange pause before the unknown woman spoke and when she did, her voice was marked with hesitation.

"No, I suppose not. You were only a baby."

What could that possibly mean?

"I'll, um, give you two some space."

Astrid got up to leave and only gave him a reassuring nod when he looked at her concerningly. Now that the two of them were alone, the woman approached him slowly. He noticed that her movements were ever so strange. She hesitated before every move, like a fox creeping up on a rabbit. Hiccup sat up straight, resting against the back wall while the woman came to stand a few feet away, near the foot of his bed.

Despite the distance, her eyes scrutinizing every detail of his. Her eyes crinkled with a mix of happiness and sorrow.

"Look at you, all grown up. And that hair, untamable as ever. Even as a baby I could never manage to comb it down."

She chuckled nostalgically at the memory.

"When you were born, we were told you wouldn't make it through the winter. But a mother's instinct is never wrong."

....What?

Did she just?

Is she?

"No-no, it's impossible. Everyone saw you get eaten by dragons! You're lying!"

He felt his voice raise with every thunderous beat of his heart. There was no way.

But she only smiled knowingly in response to his protest.

"Oh Cloudjumper never meant me any harm. I guess he just saw that I didn't belong at Berk—that I really belonged in his world instead of my own."

Tears welled in his eyes. How could this happen? All his life he'd mourned the loss of his mother. A part of him had grieved the fact that he'd lost the only possible explanation for being different than the rest. It was just him and his dad—who Hiccup couldn't have been more different than. He'd figured that his mother must've been the missing piece that made it all make sense yet he'd never get to know for sure because she was dead.

But now she was standing in front of him, alive. Spewing nonsense.

"Who is Cloudjumper?"

Hiccup sputtered in complete disbelief.

"My dragon, of course."

She said it like it was the most normal thing in the world. A flash of warmth sprung in his chest. His mother was a dragon rider. Finally, it was all making sense! That's where he got it from.

The warmth was quickly replaced by freezing ice.

"Wait...so if you didn't die...that meant that you could've come back to Berk whenever you wanted to?"

He longed for the answer to be 'no', that she'd been kidnapped by dragon hunters for all this time. That she hadn't abandoned her son and husband. That he hadn't grieved a woman who'd chosen to leave him.

But her eyes already gave him the answer he knew in his heart. She'd had a choice, and she hadn't chosen him. She began to cry which only fueled his indignation. Why did she get to cry?! She was the one who chose to discard him and live a new life just flying peachy in the clouds!! Was she fucking serious?!

"Oh, Hiccup! I'm so sorry! There wasn't a day that I didn't think about you and your father-"

He snorted in disbelief.

"Yeah, so much for thinking of us. Didn't make you come back, though."

Her brows scrunched together as she fought to fin the words that would excuse her actions. Too bad there weren't any.

"I thought that you'd be better off without me! I didn't-"

"Really? You thought that a son would live a better life WITHOUT his mother?? Do you know how growing up with just dad was like? Growing up doubting your very heritage because you're nothing like your father? Wondering if you beared even the slightest resemblance to your mother? It was a living nightmare!"

"I'm so sorry-"

Hiccup scoffed. Now she wanted to apologize? Two decades later?

Astrid dashed into the room, her eyes wide as she took in the emotional scene. Without a moment of hesitation, she rushed to Hiccup's side. His cheeks were still damp from the tears and she quietly wiped them away.

"Hiccup, my son, I can't express how sorry I am-"

He shook his head vehemently.

"I'm not your son. You stopped being my mother the day you left."

The words were like acid on his tongue. It killed inside that the mother he'd always longed for couldn't give two shits about him.

"But-"

Hiccup didn't want to hear her sorry excuses any longer. He was done.

"Get out of my house."

Astrid looked at him with questioning eyes but he only repeated himself.

"Get out."

Valka—the name was ashes in his mind—ducked her head and darted away. With her gone, his anger quickly faded and his strength waned. Astrid saw the exhaustion set in and helped him lay back down on the pillow. She tucked them both into the bed and hugged his chest.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She asked, her tone completely neutral.

"There's nothing to talk about. She's not my mother, end of story. My mother died that night."

Astrid only stared at him in pity but she didn't know the relief he felt at saying those words. He carefully brushed a strand of her hair back and cupped her cheek.

"Don't feel sorry for me, babe. I'm done letting my family rule over my life. They don't get to affect me. I'm done. I just want to start anew with you and never look back."

He kissed her forehead and felt his heart skip a beat at her smile in response. Even after all this time, Astrid still managed to make him nervous. Even in the afterlife, he'd make sure she knew how much he revered her. How much he utterly loved her.

Those were the thoughts that settled him into sleep. Dreams of the future replacing nightmares of the past.