Take A Deep Breath

Chapter 7

"I have to go, I'm so sorry, Amber."

Saffron does genuinely look sorry- I don't blame her- but she does look like she's in a hurry.

"It's ok. I'll keep watching Love Rosie and cry over the beautiful romance." I respond, adjusting the blanket around me.
Saffron laughs, grabbing her bag. "It has always been your favourite movie. Anyway, I'll leave you two to it."

Cadence smiles awkwardly and I find heat rising in my cheeks, even though I don't exactly know why. I have gathered that Cadence used to like me and I probably liked him, but I'm a completely different person now. I feel very restrained, like if I make the wrong choice or move that they will suddenly abandon me because I'm so completely confused and have changed too violently.

"What time is it?" Cadence asks, breaking the silence as Saffron slams the door.

I hesitate before remembering I have a watch.

"8:48. Do you want some popcorn?"

He stands up. "I'll get it, you relax. I'll make it how you like it."

As he wanders into the kitchen, I frown. What do I like? What did I like?

Butterflies start buzzing in my stomach. What if I don't like it anymore? Cadence and Saffron are both trying their best to make it easy for me- I don't want them to feel bad after everything I must have put them through.

"You're clenching your jaw. Is everything alright?"

I flinch as Cadence returns, a silver bowl in hand.

"Yes, why?" My voice is clouded and I know he can see through my charade.

He sits down, setting the popcorn in between us. "You used to clench your jaw when you were keeping something inside or were thinking about something. I knew you well, Amber- what is really wrong?"

I sigh. "Nothing, I just have a lot to process. Waking up from a coma, having amnesia. I've put everybody out of their lives and I feel so bad-"

He puts his hand out.

"You feel bad for the current of the ocean? Amber, it wasn't your fault. This isn't your fault. If anything, I should feel guilty. And I do. Because I was the one who suggested that we go cliff diving. I lost you because of it..."

His voice cracks at the end and instantly I feel worse. I don't know what these two people went through but obviously it was traumatic. Worse than what I went through. I just had darkness. It was sort of peaceful.

"I'm so sorry, Cadence. Don't feel bad- I'm back now, even if I'm not the girl you were best friends with."

I can't help but look down into my lap, at my hands.

"No-" He starts, but I shake my head.

"I don't know what you guys had got put through- questioning, the police- but I had nothing. All I had to put up with was...nothing. It was literally nothing. And I feel bad, terrible, because I just..."

I stand up and wipe the tears threatening to spill. I can't let it get to me now: I've held it in for so long.

"Amber listen."

I shake my head again. I feel like a broken record, constantly shaking my head. Constantly shaking. My body trembles as I feel two hands being placed on my shoulders.

"Listen."

I look up at him, his bright blue eyes making me feel like I'm about to break into a million pieces. Maybe I should have stayed in that stupid hospital,  listened to what they said about the dangers of coming here. They said it was a risk, but that it could help. A risk I was originally willing to take to earn my friends back. Not anymore. It's too much.

"I love you. We both do, Saffron and I. We love you to pieces and we felt terrible when you went into a coma. And we do not blame you for our questioning and the police harassing us because you know what? That was nothing compared to the feeling of watching as the waves carried you away. The feeling of losing you. So shut up. Because you are here now and that's all that matters."

I smile wearily. "That was deep. Thank you."

He laughs, pulling me into a hug.