Take A Deep Breath

Chapter 6

Cadence wasn't kidding. Both of them insisted on letting me go for a few hours, not telling mum, or any of my relatives. They wanted to talk and hang out without any fuss. Apparently my mum is bossy and fussy.

So I let them drag me back to my house while mum is sleeping at the hospital. I feel guilty, but also excited. I finally get freedom. It's been two days in that hospital. To think that I spent just under two years there is...almost disgusting.

I found out I am 20 years old, so I didn't miss out on too much. I had gotten accepted to a couple of universities, but I can hardly comprehend my own existence at the moment. It's like discovering my own past is shaping me into somebody different. I can already tell that I'm not the same anymore.

"This was-is your room, Amber" Saffron pulls me out of my thought with her soft voice. She takes my hand and leads me into my room.

I instantly recognise it. The familiar white and blue sheets, silver curtains, corner desk with monitors, computers, stationary items and books. My cupboard filled with my clothing that smells like my perfume. I feel a pang of Sadness in my stomach. I feel like I need to make up time here. I miss spending time in my room. Even though I don't remember spending any time here. I suppose I miss the feeling of relaxing.

"Do you...like it?" Cadence rubs the back of his neck.

I nod. "Its me"

They both smile, sitting on my bed. I open up my drawers, filing through my items. I feel like I'm searching for something, but once again I don't know what.

"You were very organised-well, you probably still am. You are obsessed with making everything neat and planned" Saffron adds as I scan my mirror and makeup.

I nod. "I want to make everything neat. My hands itch to fix everything"

I hear Cadence laugh a little and I smile. I want to spend more time with these guys. I want to learn more.

A thought squeezes it's way into my head. No, not a thought. A memory. I close my eyes and try to focus, squeezing my hands into fists.

"You look like you're constipated, Amber. Are you ok?" Saffron laughs nervously, worried.

I open my eyes and turn to her.

"Amber'sCorner." I say, not realising how ridiculous I sound.

Cadence claps his hands together. "Yes! Your YouTube account"

I sigh. "What did I record?"

Saffron smiles. "Hair tutorials, Gaming, Colabs, Q n A...lots of stuff. You had about 400,000 subs, but I haven't checked...since..."

She looks down.

"It's ok, I'm not going to go in a coma again if you say those words. It's better to be open about it."

It's a lie- I feel like I'm going to break down any monent. My head feels like a blender of thoughts, spinning round and round.

I take a deep breath in and try to smile, eyes watering.