fools holiday (kellic)

3: Kick me when im down

CHAPTER 3
VICS POV
I walk onto the bus an sit down in my usual spot next to mike. "What's up? Whatcha do today?"asks mike."I smile at the question "I uh I asked someone out....they said yes."I say."really who did you ask?is she hot?"he says."uh...... This person that I've known for a while.....mike what's uh what's your feelings about gay people?...."I ask. He pauses and looks at me "Vic what are trying to tell me?"he asks. "Mike.....I'm  gay I have feelings for Kellin and he likes me back."I scoot away from Mikey and wait for his reaction."dude I'm fine with that, so you're serious about this? If so I support you fully it's what brothers do." Says mike. I'm breathless at what just happened."really?.... Oh my god it's just...I didn't think you would approve."I say. He looks up over at me "hey no problem ....Wait does mom or dad know?"he bites his lip asking this one." No not yet I don't know how to tell them." I say. He kinda laughs a little and punches me in the arm lightly." I think you'll be fine I'll bring it up with you so you don't do it alone Kay."he tells me ." Alright we'll tell them tonight at dinner."  I tell him .
-time skip to later becuz I'm lazy.-
I can't stop moving in my chair . It seems like if I stay still I'll blow up. I gulp and try to look for the courage to speak. Mike looks over at me and nods."uh hey mom dad vic has something to say and I think it is very interesting."says mike .i notice the eyes on me and feel the pressure." So uh I asked someone out today and uh .... They said yes ..." I'm hugged by mom before I can say another word."oh mijo that's great what's her name?!"I freeze and mike (I can't do this) he looks at me and tells me it's ok" I got ya" I gulp " his name is kellin " I pause and look at her expression change." Awwww you like boys you like girls I still love you and it's cute I can't wait to meet him. Maybe you should ask if he wants to come over for dinner one of these nights?" A tremendous amount of pressure just left me but there still was a weight." Dad what do you think?" I ask. He completely ignores me and storms upstairs." I'll go talk to him." Says my mother. I look at mike and say " I'm going to lie down in not hungry anymore." He nods. I lay on the empty sheets of my bed and  let reality soak in.my brother approves and I finally got the person I have had my heart set on for the past year of school when I finally got him in one of my classes . My mom but dad....he never disapproves of anything I do.
- time skip-
They have been fighting for hours now. Because of me. Because I can't date a girl. Because I'm worthless. It goes quiet for a little bit and then I hear a car leave. A little more yelling and finally the front door being opened and shut. I look out the window and see that mom left with her car and mike was now walking down the street with his hands in his pockets mumbling . Why did he make mike leave? Why did mom leave? I hear my door get swung open and the knob hitting the wall." So you think you're gay huh? No son of mine will be gay ! Now victor do you like this Kellin boy you are dating?" My father angrily  asks." Yes I love Kellin " I tell him. " wrong answer you will not DATE OR LOVE A BOY LIKE YOU SHOULD LOVE A WOMEN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" He yells at me. " I - I don't see what I did wrong all I did was find love.... That's all ..." I reply. I'm really scared now." Find love .... FIND LOVE!!????!!!  THATS NOT LOVE I THOUGHT I TAUGHT YOU BETTER! NOW IM GOING TO ASK YOU ONE LAST TIME .... do you love Kellin?" I can see the anger burning in his eyes. I don't what he will do if I say yes so I just stay quiet and look away I don't want him to see that I'm scared. " fine looks like I'm going to have to beat it out of you." He says. Before I can reply I feel the sting of a hand across my face. It hurts so much, I'm shoved into the corner of my room and punched in the gut multiple times. My ribs buckle in pain. I can hardly breathe I can't even cry or scream because of the pain.i taste a familiar sweet metallic ooze in my mouth as another hit found its way to my face.and another and another. I'm shoved to floor and kicked repeatedly. I curl up in a ball trying to tolerate this until it's over. He starts walking away when he notices little red lines marking my wrists. " oh you think so? You think that just because your life so hard that cutting your arm will make it better!? You're weak ! You  cut yourself little a weak little boy and you cry like a girl then you love like a woman . You are not a man. You are not my son." I can't even open one of my eyes and I can tell that tears are leaking out. That's all I do for the next little bit , silently cry because everything just hurts. My body my heart everything. I get up and walk into the bathroom and look for my razor. Bottom drawer on the left side. Not there. Right side? Not there either. Top left. No. Right. Nope . Any where in the bathroom. NO! I start panicking . Desk . No. Bed. No. Everywhere in my room. NO!!!!! I curl into a ball on my bed and panic. What happened to them?! Did I misplace them? What? Did ? I? Do? With? It!??!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!??.......mike.......oh my god he's the only one that knows.oh my god. What do I do without them?! I have a panic attack right then and there. Usually I have them in my room they do not leave my room unless in my backpack and when I get home back into my room.they are to be no where else in the house . Absolutely NO WHERE BUT MY ROOM! I eventually even out my breathing and  look at all the bruises . My ribs really hurt. Maybe cracked a few?i don't know. I was to busy freaking out about a blade that I forgot about physical pain that was happening to me right now. God maybe ... Maybe this will be good for me for mike. So he can stop hurting.i just want it so bad right now. Think! Think!think! Think of Kellin! You'll see him at school tomorrow.but he can't see me like this! I get up to look in the mirror. My right eye is black. My cheek is bruised. Both of my cheeks are bright red. My arms are bruised. My torso, my legs, I can't find an ok spot. Everything looks terrible. I really can't let Kellin or mike see this. Or mom. Oh god what would she do? I rummage though my thoughts and I am startled by the opening of my door again. I flinch at the sound of his voice." If you tell mike your mother or anyone what happened here , I will do it again and next time you won't be able to brush it off as easy. Consider yourself lucky this time. But a man can't love another as a woman does. It's not love. I not even to be considered appropriate for small boys such as yourself.your mother is not happy with me right now so she went to her mothers. And your brother is staying with a friend tonight. Your story is that the kids at school did that to you for being gay.do you understand or are we still having trouble?" He asks. I shake my head" n-no I understand." I say. He just closes my door and leaves without a word.i can't do life right now so I lay back down and start hoping that tomorrow will be better.

AUTHORS NOTE!!!! Very important!
(So what do you guys think, this was the chapter legitamenity  broke my heart.😥💔. Any way
I don't plan on doing something that dark again. BTW while vic was busy earlier in the day it was mike who took every razor he found in Vic's room and put it in a little bag that is now hiding under neath mikes bed, just thought you guys should know I'm out)
Song-kick me: sleeping with sirens