Existence
Introduction
Life is life. Everyone has a different life. No life has the exact same aspects as another ones life has. That makes it unique. Unique things should be cherished. But life doesn’t feel unique. Everyone you’ve ever seen walking around or everyone you know has a life. Or else they wouldn’t be walking around or you would’ve known them. That’s why a life doesn’t always feel as special as it is.
When you actually think about it, about life, you’ll start wandering. And you probably don’t have the answers to the questions that you are asking yourself. ‘Cause why else would be asking them instead of answering them? My questions are always: Why am I alive? How did this happen? Now there are quite simple explanations for those questions and they mostly start with ‘when two people love each other very much, they…’ But I’m not looking for those kinds of explanations. Well, it’s not that I’m really looking. It’s just that not having the answers to the questions that I have, makes me look a lot different at the world. I don’t appreciate it as much as other people do. I don’t appreciate it as much as I should. I look skeptical at the world. And that is probably because I don’t really know why we are alive or what the purpose is.
In life you can have different sides. You don’t know which side you are on because they aren’t written down. I guess you can divide them into feelings. When you are feeling good, you are on the good side. If you are feeling bad, you are on the bad side. This of course does not decide whether you are a good or a bad person since feelings can’t always be made or be influenced by yourself. It’s just the way life decides to be. It decides what is going to happen to you, how you are going to feel about it, how others are going to feel about it, how things will change or stay the same. Life decides itself. And you can make decisions that will influence life, but you can’t decide the outcome of your decision.
I have a lot of other questions. One thing that always amazes me is: How is it possible that at this very moment, I am able to breath, do things, live and feel? I don’t get it. But that might be because I’m not a person who is good in science. But I don’t really think that I am the only one who feels like this. This question is also another reason why I look skeptical at the world. Because even though I am breathing right now, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I will be breathing tomorrow. Life is so fragile that it could end at any minute. You just don’t really know when. That makes people scared, but not me. It makes me wonder: Why would I be alive if death is inevitable? Everyone will die, so why are we alive? What do we have to accomplish in life? What would make death easier for us? And also, what would make life easier for us?
I’m making life sound like something that can only be wonderful, but life isn’t always wonderful. It can be horrible. That might be another reason why I look skeptical at the world. Why would you want to be alive if it can be horrible? But what I’ve seen from a lot of people is that when they have been through horrible things, they fight to get above it. And they succeed. They win the battle. I’ve never won the battle. I’ve never fought the battle. Not that I’ve never had to fight, I pushed the fight away. Well, I actually walked away. Not because I was scared, I just didn’t want to fight. I let it flow and just floated around in it.
This also makes it hard to see the good things. I don’t really see them, I only see them for other people. Because they are mostly there for other people and not for me. I don’t get a lot of good things. I get the normal ones or the leftovers. Maybe this is another reason why I look skeptical at the world.
Now everyone has their own theory and advice about life and their own experience. Just because I have now expressed mine, doesn’t mean that it is right. It is my opinion. I have my own opinion and you have yours. I just now have the chance of telling about it, and the chance of telling about my life. Maybe I should take this chance, and I guess I will.
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Thank you for reading the beginning of my new book. I hope you liked it even though it was quite a serious introduction.
- Eva
