The C Word

Chapter Twenty-Eight

As the days turned into weeks, her depression steadily increased. It got to the point where her entire body ached when she tried to move. The simplest tasks proved to be difficult, for example, getting out of the bed. She couldn't figure out why it pained her to engage in normal movement. Even walking exhausted her body feeling as if she had ran a never ending marathon.

The hurt her body produced cause her to seek comfort in the thoughts of ending her own life. There was no way that she could continue to bear the pain that each day brought. Plus, no one would care if she was gone. In everyone's eyes, she was a vicious killer that displayed no remorse. But in reality, she didn't know how to act sorry for something that she couldn't remember. Experiencing suicidal ideation gave her a calming feeling that graced her mind like no other. She wasn't sure how or when she would kill herself but she knew that she was set on her last and final plan.

Almost immediately after accepting her defeat on life, she stopped eating. She used all the tricks of the most mainstream eating disorders but learned the purging after meals wasn't meant for her. So, she stuck with hiding food in napkins or pushing it around her plate to appear as if she had ate most of her meal. Surprisingly, she felt better in knowing that she was able to be in control of something in her life. And her energy level was also up even though she hadn't eaten a meal in days. It wasn't until she had been starving herself for about five days that the true lack of nourishment started to take its effect.

She woke up that morning with a nagging headache and her stomach hurt down to its core. She was exhausted and felt extremely irritable. She couldn't even hold on to anything because her hands were significantly trembling. She continued to drink water but nothing was helping her feel better.

When her roommate tried to hold her hand, she lashed out and pushed her away. She didn't want to be touched. She didn't want to be bothered. She felt like shit and wanted to check out but her mind was screaming for nourishment. She ignored the pain and tried to take a walk around but her body was slowly shutting down on her. As soon as she stepped outside of her joint room, her vision blurred and she felt her body slowly becoming involuntary. As much as she wanted to hold herself up, her mind and her body had other plans as she slid down the wall in the hallway. There was no fight left in her as darkness engulfed her.

****

When she came too, she realized that she was lying on a hospital bed hooked up to an IV. Her mouth and lips felt extremely dry and her body felt weak. She tried to look around to assess her location but was too tired to move. From her slight survey of the room, it appeared that she was in the same kind of room that would treat injured criminals in a prison. There were about three other beds in the room but they were empty. She could feel the tears burning her eyes as she tried not to cry. She was once again scared and didn't know what was happening. She couldn't trust anyone, including herself, and that's what made the entire situation even worse.

At least she wasn't strapped down to the bed so that was the only plus. But even without the restraints, she couldn't get up and move if she wanted too. She had no energy to escape but was sure the IV was providing the necessary nutrients that she needed. As she looked around again, the door suddenly opened. In walked a short girl with a caramel skin tone and purple colored weave. She was loudly chewing on bubble gum and checking her cell phone. Her scrubs were all red and slightly snug on her plump body. She then looked up and they locked eyes.

"Hey, girl! You're up!" The unknown female said.

"Umm... Yeah, I guess," she replied back.

"Welcome back! Did you miss me?" She asked excitedly.

"I'm sorry but I don't know you."

"My bad. I heard that you're still out of it. I'm Tanika, the floor nurse."