Pleasure Practice 1 - The Chiropractor

Chapter O

Tania would not be able to explain later how the next hours unfolded, not when she told it to Michael, nor to Lucille – and these were the only two people she confessed this to. It was neither something a lot of people would understand, nor others like their parents or their friends could even tolerate.

Fred and Tania sat talking for three or four hours, forgetting about dinner or sleep. Tania talked about her first meetings with Matgeno and how she felt, told Fred how she loved him as a husband, how important their life together was, how it stabilized her whole being, how she felt safe with Fred and loved and how much that mattered to her. Fred listened quietly. Tania opened up completely. At some point Fred started to cry a bit, silently, trying to hold back. But it became a torrent; he told Tania how he felt so much for her, wanted to take care of her all their life, wanted to pamper her and love her and keep her warm at night. And then he started his confession.

He had felt since he was a little boy that he was not "normal". This had made him very unhappy because he felt the pressure from his family to conform to the rules, to stay within the invisible boundaries, to succeed as a good human being, which meant not falling out of line. But he liked men, he couldn't help it. He had tried sex with boys late, when he was 24, after he saw from sex with girls that it was all mechanical but not what he craved. He always knew he had to punish himself for what he felt. And then he'd met Tania, and he somehow really fell in love. Not sexually – that couldn't be faked. But in all other respects he fell in love. He wanted to spend his life with her! Not because his parents wanted to, but because he really loved her! That had been a revelation for him, and it had allowed him to thrive and build a life he felt was his own. When Fred was telling Tania this he became shy, and finally told her that he had had two male lovers during their marriage. It only lasted about half a year in one case and about ten months in the other, was mostly sex (safe, of course, always protected) mixed with the thrill of feeling a man's different affection bestowed upon him.

"But I'd never throw away our marriage for them, for that feeling. Never!" Fred looked Tania deep in the eyes, and they could both feel the vivid connection between them. They suddenly hugged each other and held on tightly, as if wanting to prove that nothing could separate them.

Tania felt a calm warm her from within, a firmness that made her unshakeable. She loved Fred even more now, after their long talk.

"Let's not let anything come between us. Let's both share our experiences and our new feelings, and let's grow together from there." Fred agreed. "I want that for us too. I don't want to ever have to be tied to conventions again. We can find our own path and make our own life as we want it. We've known that all along." They hugged tightly again and then decided to seal the bond celebrating with a huge dinner out. They even toasted with champagne and other people around them in the restaurant surely thought that they were a couple in love. And they were not wrong.