The Awakening

Chapter 12 - Edited

* Edited December 23, 2017. (First published August 23, 2015)

I'd been spending day after day for weeks on end thinking about what I'd learned, Daniel silently following me around as I wandered about the town on the days he did not have some sort of task given to him. Every day I would go help with preparing a meal, usually lunch, but lately they were beginning to let me help with the occasional dinner as well.

Just the other day it had been a nice thick stew using fresh vegetables from the fields and some herbs and mushrooms the mothers had taught the older kids how to harvest from the forest, some having been dried since they were out of season at this point. Another time it had been a huge roast that I had begun cooking over the fire that morning, giving it plenty of time to cook through and by dinner, the whole building had been filled with the smell of meat and herbs.

Even with those things to help distract me along with the continued training I put myself though, it left far too much time to ponder on things I sometimes wish I hadn't even thought of that one day. Why had Michael ever bothered to let me think I might be one of them, when by the look I'd seen on his face, the way he had watched me as I interacted with the two undead men, he knew already that I wasn't like them. I'd likely never been like them.

I wonder if that is why I had been locked up back then when I had woken up in that tunnel and walked into the cavern. Was it because I was something they didn't know how to deal with yet, how to control? Or was I something they considered too dangerous to leave free to roam about? Sadly, I would likely never really have the chance to know, the strange figure with the starry eyes gone and no clue on how to find them.

I  had to wonder if that is why Isaac had always been so cautious around me, simply because he was concerned I would hurt someone? Is that why Michael had always watched me out of the corner of his eye the first few weeks, to make sure I didn't do something? Could that be why Daniel still followed me around, because they were afraid I could become a danger to them?

Was I a danger to them in their minds, even now? If they thought me to be a danger, what did they plan to do to me when their fears finally drove them to act? Looking to the side at Daniel, I saw a look of concern in his eyes. But concern for what? For what I might do to the people around me or concern for me myself?

Turning away, I felt my doubts eating at me. Was I any better than what I was thinking of them if I let my own fears rule my actions? I needed to clear my mind, to get back the feeling of security I had been enjoying before my innocent understanding of what I was had been shattered.

"Daniel, I need to think about... things that are bothering me. Please let Michael and the rest know I'm going to be unavailable for a while. I'm sorry. I just need to figure out a few things before I can... I guess before I can be myself again? Whoever I'm supposed to be. I'm sorry Daniel. I guess that's one of the things I'm trying to find out now." Looking at his frowning face for a while, I finally turned away and walked over to the small cluster of trees that grew near the worn home for the undead.

Sitting down, I began pulling myself deep into my mind, falling into the darkness that I had spent so much time wandering about in when I was in that cell, so very long ago. But this time, it wouldn't be aimless wandering. Eyes closed to the world, I entered the deepest parts of my mind I could reach, stepping into the dense fog that hid so much from me.

I wasn't even aware of the world around me, let alone Daniel's slim body settling beside my own on the cool grass, his worried eyes never leaving my still figure as time began slowly passing.