I run up the stairs with tears streaming down my face. I open my door and slam it behind me.
"He didn't deserve this!" I sob loudly as I walk over to my dresser.
I pick up a picture of the two of us. It was taken at the beach. We're both beaming. Back when things were alright. Back when everyone was happy in their life. My thoughts are interrupted when I feel my phone vibrate within my pocket. I pull it out and see that it's Connor. I pick up the phone and mutter,
"Hi."
"Hey I was just checking in on you. I was wondering if you wanted to come over and talk. I know that Alec's passing has been hard for you and you don't really have anyone to talk to." He exclaims cautiously.
Even the mention of his life name causes me to cry. Tears start to steam down my face faster than before. Through the phone I faintly hear,
"Anna I know it's hard. Cry it out."
After a few more moments of tears I wipe them off my face and utter,
"I'll be over in ten minutes."
"See you then." He states.
I hang up the phone and walk over to my closet. I put on a pair of roots sweats and a school pull over hoodie. I put them on and I run down the stairs and slip on my uggs and yell,
"I'm going over to Connor's."
I hear a quiet okay before I open the door me gently shut it behind me. I walk down the street for about five minutes and then I reach Connor's house. I walk up the pathway and press the door bell. Without even ringing once the door swings open and I'm enveloped in Connors arms. I start to cry as he embraces me.
"Thanks for letting me come over." I whisper between sobs.
"That's why I'm you friend. But remember you can just come in. You don't have to ring the doorbell. He states.
I nod my head and think. I wish we were more than friends.
"What did you say?" Connor asks.
Crap, did I say that out loud?
I pull away from the hug and look up at him and say,
"Nothing. I said nothing."
I brush past him and plop myself down on their couch. I curl up in a ball and hear him walk up behind me. Everything reminds me of him. Literally everything. It started a year ago. My brother Alec came out as gay. I was so happy that he came out. But not everyone was. My dad was furious. He said that no son of his would be gay. Fights began to break out in our house daily. That depressed my brother. He started cutting. I tried to help him but nothing worked. Along with my brother I pushed my dad away. It seemed like we were no longer related. We basically shared a house and didn't even talk to each other. Our mom was stuck in the middle of everything as our house fell apart. Eventually Alec refused to go to school. I would try and comfort him but whenever I got closer to him he just pushed himself farther away. Everything went down hill from there. My mom and I tried to get him to go to therapy but nothing worked. But one week ago everything changed. When I got home from school he wasn't in his bedroom which is we're he usually is when I come home. I just thought that he was decided to go out. Hope rose up in me. I thought my brother was having a break through. I thought that things might start to mend. But I was wrong. I walked into the bathroom and saw him. His legs were cut open, arms cut and he was hanging with a knife in his hand. He hung him self. I ran over to him and untied the rope from his neck but it was to late. He was dead. I just cried with his head on my lap. Nothing would tear me apart from him. When my parents got home from work I ran down the stairs.
"I hate you dad. Your the worst parent ever. Alec committed suicide. It's all your fault. Go to hell. No hell is not good enough for you. They're to kind! I scream as tears start streaming down my face.
I scream at the flash back and I feel my hand being held.
"Hey Anna wake up. You fell asleep but then started yelling and sobbing." I hear.
I open my eyes and see Connor with my hand in his. I glance over at the clock. It's 11:30 pm.
"I should get going." I state as I get up off the couch.
"I'll walk you back." He says calmly.
But once again memories of Alec being protective of me. Tears start to roll down my face as I put my shoes on. I hear Connor put on his shoes behind me. I open the door and start to walk ahead of him so he won't see my tears. Thankfully it's raining so Connor won't be able to know if I'm crying or not. I just want him to stay happy and not worry about me. That's when it hits me. Happiness. Alec only did what he did because he wasn't happy, but now he is. I smile for the first time in ages. I continue to walk until I arrive in front of my house. I'm about to walk up the pathway until I hear running behind me. I spin around and see Connor running after me. I smile and once he reaches me I immediately press my lips against his. The rain pelts down on us as sparks erupt within me. He pulls away and obviously looks shocked. He tries to speak but it doesn't work. Eventually he manages to sputter out a few words.
"I've been waiting for you to do that for ages, but I never thought that I would see this side of you again. It's almost as if your happy. He exclaims.
"I am happy. It occurred to me that life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning how to dance in the rain." I smile.
