Picture This [Of Mice & Men Story]

Chapter Twenty Two

"Hey, who're those roses from?" he asked extending his hand for the bouquet. I handed the roses to him, but snuck the note into my back pocket. 

"I think just a fan. There wasn't a note," I answer innocently. 

"Oh cool! Well let's go inside, so I can shower," Oliver said nonchalantly and smiled at me. I attempted to reciprocate the smile which turned out pathetic, but he accepted it walking on to the bus. 

"I forgot my.. phone charger on Of Mice & Men's bus. I'll be back in a few!" I say aburptly and left his side before he could respond. 

I walked off leaving the parking lot. Determined to figure this all out, I ventured through the streets. I just needed fresh air and an area to think. Soon the streets became sparse and trees loomed over me. I turned and soon ventured through the woods. I could hear the roar of the ocean call my name. I kept pushing forward even though tears started to prick my eyes as all my thoughts started to cloud my mind. I began to run through the woods wanting the comfort of the water to sooth my troubled soul. I ran for what seemed like ages until I reached a clearing from the woods.

I looked out at the cliff, the one from my dream that occurred to me the night of my rape. Premonition was something I've never had, but in this moment I felt I was meant to be here. 

I'd screwed up everything I'd ever attempted to have. A normal life. A boyfriend. A job. Nothing would ever be right in my life with Samuel around. It's apparent I wasn't meant for this life. 

Maybe I'm not meant to be here, I thought. Everything I touch becomes tainted and ruined because of my past. I collapsed to the ground and finally the tears overcame me. I sobbed and my entire body shook with each sob. 

How could you be so stupid. He will never let you go. What were you thinking Laiya? I just wanted to be happy. Poor Oliver. WHY SAMUEL!? If you're gonna do it, do it now. I didn't want it to be this way. Everything is just so fucked up. I didn't mean for it to turn out like this. I tried so hard. You're pathetic.  Why'd you have to break my heart Austin?

I pulled out my bottles of pills and got up from the ground. Walking towards the edge I opened them and started swallowing pill after pill. I sat on the edge feeling the numbness begin to sink in. The tears had long since stopped flowing and were now dried upon my cheeks. The breeze blew in whipping my hair behind me and I inhaled the salty scent. I looked out at the beautiful darkness that was the ocean, my home away from home, and felt at peace. 

Feeling this peace, I knew I could do what I came here to do. I stood up and dropped my now empty pill bottles into the waters below. My head grew heavier along with my thoughts grew blurry. I knew now was the time. I took a deep breath to slowly let out a sigh and remember why I'm here with. I tried to let go of the feelings I'd kept in for so long, but it never worked.

Maybe that's why this was so easy for me, so easy to just let go, so easy to die, because maybe I'd been dead a long time.

I peered down at the jagged rocks below and saw the deep blue water lap against them.

Stepping forward, I planted my feet on the edge of the cliffs and inhaled slowly.

I closed my eyes lolling my head back and let myself feel the numbness consume my thoughts. I was so lost that I felt myself lose my balance. Tumbling, I heard a voice pierce the blanket surrounding my thoughts.

"LAIYA! NO!"

I love you Austin, I thought as I blacked out feeling myself fall. I'm finally free.